Yes, I'm all about Queen right now and it's awesome.
I had two consecutive housing offers from wonderful girls and each fell through. I'm disappointed, and earlier I was upset, but I realize it's all about timing. God will open the opportunities up again when it's right. Now I just need to pray about my attitude and priorities so I can enjoy a nice last year with my parents. I want it to be pleasant and enjoyable, and I need guidance about my interacting with them. I have decided it's worth reevaluating my attitude and becoming more pliable to their wishes if necessary. I'm over fighting. I'm sure this is a learning opportunity or something like that. Sigh.
I did land a waitressing job at a rather unusual place, and I'm interested to see how training week goes. The owner was very nice and understanding, and said she hopes everything will be "compatible" and if not, that's fine. Being a locally owned place, I feel more comfortable about the opportunity - I'm done with corporations for as long as I can avoid them. Anyways, I will also apply at two other businesses because they're conveniently nearby and more preferable in my opinion.
Art. Ideas keep parading through my head. Ideas...designs...colors...origami... I am wanting to hide myself away to sketch for hours without interruption. Yet the end product won't look good and I'll be depressed. Ha.
Weddings. That's all I'm gonna say.
I am blessed with wonderful, caring, fun-loving friends and I cannot express my gratefulness enough! With the changes in my life during the past month, they've sprung from the background and gathered around to support me when I was hurting and upset. They understood - or if they didn't, accepted - my decision and prayed for me and kept my spirit balanced. While reflecting on how I had lost touch with so many good people, and in some ways myself, I feel doubly determined to focus on God. I know he's blessed me and I need to re-direct my focus on him, which will probably lead me back to reaching out to people surrounding me.
Another thing I have re-discovered is how extremely social I am, in so many ways. (I de-activated my Facebook account temporarily because I needed that emotional break, but I consider it a social cop-out anyways). I enjoy being with people and meeting people and hanging out with people. I think God's greatest gift to us was each other. I intend to have an open-door policy when I have my own place! I want to reach out to people through my home, and hopefully everyone will feel comfortable stopping by when they want to.
I'm challenging myself on my "free time". I'm just needing to know where it goes, because my "free time" tends to disappear and it's not because I'm being productive. Sometimes I'm over committed, and time flies by that way, however I know there are moments when I just repeat meaningless actions and waste good minutes. I'm try to log my activities more closely, just to understand how I'm really spending time.
The word that most describes me, in my current situation, is free. I'm almost typed confused, because yes that is true too. However, I feel free and open to every possibility. I love it. It's as if I'm digging up those old dreams that never truly died. I don't know how I got off track... I can hypothesize though... it was losing touch with my parents, it was their 2 year divorce, it was altering myself to fit into the group around me. Something knocked me off course, onto another path, but I liked it. I like that possibility too, that alternate course. Yet it isn't the right time for that path, which is what caused me to feel lost and closed in. I care for someone so deeply, but not enough to change from who I am and my goals. Not enough to neglect the first path in my dreams.
I never realized how far I had strayed, and how deeply I'd gone in, until I turned around and the path was unfamiliar and I was clinging to one person.
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Addendum:
....Now... I sit at home now and think, "that's not impossible." Anything that comes to mind seems realistic and exciting! Perhaps that's a small sign of insanity.... (I think I remember something from psych class like this...erhm.) Ideas seem almost tangible. I can travel, and now that I know I can, and I will. There is not a single reason why I shouldn't - even finances are negotiable - and since my friend Corrie has approached me about opportunities of working overseas, my heart is happy. It could be perfect. I'm praying about it... but it's so bizarre when she started talking about it - immediately I thought "Oh yes, that's it." It felt right! The future looks so shiny and bright now! Maybe this is why all my moving out plans fell through. Perhaps.
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