Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa

Dancing to Vampire Weekend is almost hypnotic. And it just keeps happening. I may look possessed but inside I'm pretty happy.

My 21st was, how is it you say, uber fab? It was made incredibly special by wonderful friends and wonderful family, and basically two weekends of partying. On the actual day, Saturday the third, the boys and I road-tripped to Nashville and returned in time for a family dinner. Then Lindsey, Corrie, Jenny, myself and some more friends went downtown. We danced and karaoked something fierce, and drank in moderation. Whew. ^_^ The next weekend my parents threw me a lovely pool party, complete with candles, root beer floats, music, and garnering the services of Anna to grill delish kabobs! I was given many beautiful gifts, and I'm so thankful for the memories that were made. A fantastic set of weekends.

Speaking of road-tripping to Nashville, I went back up this weekend and I kinda can't even talk about it. It was too great. And I'm afraid my repeating of the greatness would fall short. Just know I met people and everything was perfect. I cannot wait to go up again.

I have three modeling events coming up that I'm particularly excited about. I haven't been to a shoot in about six months and I've missed it. The preparation, the collaboration, the moment of becoming someone unknown to even myself... It's a form of acting. And as for acting itself, I have missed it more than I can say. I haven't been involved in community theatre since last summer and there's a place inside me that feels somewhat numb. Numb and somewhat frightened. I hate it. And I dont know the next chance I'll act unless I just begin auditioning indiscriminately where ever I move to. However, the only film experience I've had is Alex's short film in April... which easily became one of the best weekends Ive ever had.

I seem to be accumulating quite a list of best weekends ever. And I'm positively loving this trend.

I began tonight the exercise plan to whip my body back in shape after my lazy June and July. It'll be my basic weight routine with some variations, and the elliptical for 40 min, 2 miles, 500 calories burned. Every weeknight. I'll attempt to include a swimming routine as well because I'm a complete noodle after just four laps - and I plan to improve in that area.

Also, I've been picking at the piano lately with my rusty fingers, coaxing the music that was there four years ago back to life. I wanted a crash-course pick-up series of lessons and asked my brothers instructor if he had any availability. Not only did he have the time, after my session this afternoon he offered for me to come twice a week for the price of one session! What a blessing, I'm so thrilled to be working hard at it again.

They're are so many blessings right now, I'm quite overwhelmed. I'm trusting the job opportunities and moving plans into God's hands, and I look forward to seeing what happens. ^_^

"How am I supposed to pretend I never want to see you again?"

A pause and review

As I type, I'm wrapped about the shoulders in an aromatic cotton beanie sack, heated to a perfect warmth, relaxing my muscles of their tangled knots.

Today, dears, I completed every project, paper, and bubble-sheet exam that is required to pass the undergraduate BSN nursing course. Tomorrow, I will present the final presentation, listen to the final lecture, and eat a final lunch with all of my nursing friends.

After tomorrow, I have two standardized HESIs to take, neither of which particularly matter. And on May 14th, I graduate.

In other news, last weekend I was in Birmingham to film with Alex and his crew for the short film. The entire experience was great and I am so glad to have had the opportunity of learning the basics of film acting. On the fly. Because oh my goodness what a different feel it had compared to an onstage performance! There was almost no similarity besides that each calls for acting. But what form of acting, delivery of acting, study of character and translation of character that they each need is from my small experience completely different. If there wasn't a time constraint on my part to delve into the character during a hectic week of school, I might have felt more comfortable sinking into the character on screen. As it is, I did my best, crossed my fingers, and will watch with one eye closed as to what they results will be. In the meantime, I need to take some film acting lessons. Ha.

But back to this graduation thing. It makes my head hurt. My stomach hurt. I'm nauseous. I'm so nervous. What does this mean? Perhaps that my responsibilities are about shift, that my obligations to family expectations will break, that avoiding what I love will end, and that achieving the "correct" thing is about to end.         ...Perhaps...that my last tether to my teenage life is about to fray.

Yeah, re-read that. It doesn't make sense? Yet it's true.

It's like I'm about to graduate high school, ya'll.

Asynchrony

Very little in my life feels coherent at the moment. It all seems quite spastic and tire-spinning - between academics, extracurricular academics, working a couple part-time jobs, personal wanderings, and concrete decisions that are looming in the near future. I'm here and there and far too many places at once. I have one weekend this month where I should literally be three different places doing three very different important things, so chose to do the one that's most precious to me - being a bridesmaid in a dear friend's wedding.

I say it's all incoherent because nothing progresses, nothing is collective, nothing seems to advance towards one goal. It's too hurry-scurry, involving small-time accomplishments. My spirit is quiet though... I reached a peace about many decisions, particularly the decision that I'm not making decisions until I see God's direction in my life. I attended a women's conference called True Woman in Chattanooga last weekend with my mother and a few close friends, and that also helped calm my impetuous spirit. I cannot do anything without God's grace, and He has been pouring it out freely, so I can carry on with my responsibilities with great success. So where all this is leading towards, if leading anything, and where I'll be going next fall, is in the unknown.

I completed precepting on Monday evening/Tuesday morning. CAN I GET A HALLELUJAH?! Hallelujah. What a relief that is. Many scholastic goals are still to come but the pressure of working in fifteen 12-hour night shifts in the hospital during a normal week is over. It's the homestretch, folks. I can feel the easy breezy summer a-comin'!

Thank you for the feedback on my graduation dress decision! I decided on the Salmon and buttoned and old-fashioned dress, because although it was the second in votes, it was my favorite when I tried it on. I've found a beautiful pair of shoes to purchase, so I'll soon have the entire outfit!

Here's a blessing that is proving to be a glimmer of my future... Yet again an opportunity has fallen into my lap... Sure, I asked for it in spirit but not in so many words. While at my dearest friend Anne's home concert with Stephen Gordon in Birmingham (which reminds me, he's returning to Huntsville for a show in April! Details to come!) I met Alex, a Samford student. He has written and will be directing a short film as a school project for his minor in film, and after talking throughout the night he offered for me to help by acting in his film. I'm thrilled, because the closest I've come to a film crew was downtown Huntsville watching a commercial being shot, and learning in a comfortable environment about the methods and challenges of film acting is a huge opportunity!

Well.... it's just another beautiful note in the asynchrony of life.

But dude. April will be quite busy.