Reality as prevention

You know that feeling of giddiness that you're loath to acknowledge is even there... and once it is you start begging for the reality of it all to set in and hit hard... for the screen to slip and infatuation to end before hurt or fears can overtake you in a side-blind... before you feel that chagrin of loss and a frustration in your heart and you flinch against the remembrance that actually- you really like that person. So just stop it all when you feel an undeniable draw into the unknown that is that-

but you really like him.

A pause and review

As I type, I'm wrapped about the shoulders in an aromatic cotton beanie sack, heated to a perfect warmth, relaxing my muscles of their tangled knots.

Today, dears, I completed every project, paper, and bubble-sheet exam that is required to pass the undergraduate BSN nursing course. Tomorrow, I will present the final presentation, listen to the final lecture, and eat a final lunch with all of my nursing friends.

After tomorrow, I have two standardized HESIs to take, neither of which particularly matter. And on May 14th, I graduate.

In other news, last weekend I was in Birmingham to film with Alex and his crew for the short film. The entire experience was great and I am so glad to have had the opportunity of learning the basics of film acting. On the fly. Because oh my goodness what a different feel it had compared to an onstage performance! There was almost no similarity besides that each calls for acting. But what form of acting, delivery of acting, study of character and translation of character that they each need is from my small experience completely different. If there wasn't a time constraint on my part to delve into the character during a hectic week of school, I might have felt more comfortable sinking into the character on screen. As it is, I did my best, crossed my fingers, and will watch with one eye closed as to what they results will be. In the meantime, I need to take some film acting lessons. Ha.

But back to this graduation thing. It makes my head hurt. My stomach hurt. I'm nauseous. I'm so nervous. What does this mean? Perhaps that my responsibilities are about shift, that my obligations to family expectations will break, that avoiding what I love will end, and that achieving the "correct" thing is about to end.         ...Perhaps...that my last tether to my teenage life is about to fray.

Yeah, re-read that. It doesn't make sense? Yet it's true.

It's like I'm about to graduate high school, ya'll.

Thanks for your questions but-

There are, at times,

no explanations and no reason.

We're asked to accept and embrace

the unknown with faith.

But mine doesn't look the same as yours.

Life, that is.

My calling isn't yours and nope, it won't even resemble it.

You've hurt me, I've hurt you, but there's

not much to redeem when you're already redeemed in mercy.

Don't plan on me or cast your bet.

'Cause I don't know what "future" is.

I'm clinging to the ever-precious now.

When life gets inexplicable

Inexplicate it.


Step back and shake off your thoughts.
Re-evaluate from your paradigm.
Disregard other's opinions or pre-conceived judgements
until you seek advice from someone trusted.
Otherwise, shed all that fretting.
Move. Relax.
See where the river takes you.