A pause and review

As I type, I'm wrapped about the shoulders in an aromatic cotton beanie sack, heated to a perfect warmth, relaxing my muscles of their tangled knots.

Today, dears, I completed every project, paper, and bubble-sheet exam that is required to pass the undergraduate BSN nursing course. Tomorrow, I will present the final presentation, listen to the final lecture, and eat a final lunch with all of my nursing friends.

After tomorrow, I have two standardized HESIs to take, neither of which particularly matter. And on May 14th, I graduate.

In other news, last weekend I was in Birmingham to film with Alex and his crew for the short film. The entire experience was great and I am so glad to have had the opportunity of learning the basics of film acting. On the fly. Because oh my goodness what a different feel it had compared to an onstage performance! There was almost no similarity besides that each calls for acting. But what form of acting, delivery of acting, study of character and translation of character that they each need is from my small experience completely different. If there wasn't a time constraint on my part to delve into the character during a hectic week of school, I might have felt more comfortable sinking into the character on screen. As it is, I did my best, crossed my fingers, and will watch with one eye closed as to what they results will be. In the meantime, I need to take some film acting lessons. Ha.

But back to this graduation thing. It makes my head hurt. My stomach hurt. I'm nauseous. I'm so nervous. What does this mean? Perhaps that my responsibilities are about shift, that my obligations to family expectations will break, that avoiding what I love will end, and that achieving the "correct" thing is about to end.         ...Perhaps...that my last tether to my teenage life is about to fray.

Yeah, re-read that. It doesn't make sense? Yet it's true.

It's like I'm about to graduate high school, ya'll.

Asynchrony

Very little in my life feels coherent at the moment. It all seems quite spastic and tire-spinning - between academics, extracurricular academics, working a couple part-time jobs, personal wanderings, and concrete decisions that are looming in the near future. I'm here and there and far too many places at once. I have one weekend this month where I should literally be three different places doing three very different important things, so chose to do the one that's most precious to me - being a bridesmaid in a dear friend's wedding.

I say it's all incoherent because nothing progresses, nothing is collective, nothing seems to advance towards one goal. It's too hurry-scurry, involving small-time accomplishments. My spirit is quiet though... I reached a peace about many decisions, particularly the decision that I'm not making decisions until I see God's direction in my life. I attended a women's conference called True Woman in Chattanooga last weekend with my mother and a few close friends, and that also helped calm my impetuous spirit. I cannot do anything without God's grace, and He has been pouring it out freely, so I can carry on with my responsibilities with great success. So where all this is leading towards, if leading anything, and where I'll be going next fall, is in the unknown.

I completed precepting on Monday evening/Tuesday morning. CAN I GET A HALLELUJAH?! Hallelujah. What a relief that is. Many scholastic goals are still to come but the pressure of working in fifteen 12-hour night shifts in the hospital during a normal week is over. It's the homestretch, folks. I can feel the easy breezy summer a-comin'!

Thank you for the feedback on my graduation dress decision! I decided on the Salmon and buttoned and old-fashioned dress, because although it was the second in votes, it was my favorite when I tried it on. I've found a beautiful pair of shoes to purchase, so I'll soon have the entire outfit!

Here's a blessing that is proving to be a glimmer of my future... Yet again an opportunity has fallen into my lap... Sure, I asked for it in spirit but not in so many words. While at my dearest friend Anne's home concert with Stephen Gordon in Birmingham (which reminds me, he's returning to Huntsville for a show in April! Details to come!) I met Alex, a Samford student. He has written and will be directing a short film as a school project for his minor in film, and after talking throughout the night he offered for me to help by acting in his film. I'm thrilled, because the closest I've come to a film crew was downtown Huntsville watching a commercial being shot, and learning in a comfortable environment about the methods and challenges of film acting is a huge opportunity!

Well.... it's just another beautiful note in the asynchrony of life.

But dude. April will be quite busy.

You're obliged to tolerate

A dress! A beautiful graduation dress. I need the perfect one. 

Or, I would like the perfect one. As I see it, it'll be payback for two years of trudging through the hard work of nursing school in unbecoming blue scrubs and white Reebok shoes. Besides, I have a fashionable reputation to keep up.

Salmon and buttoned and old-fashioned
Green and cream and twirly
Black and white and flouncy
Pink and cream and printed
Blue and cream and swirly

These are the considerations. Now to choose!

Oh and if anyone has some spare cash and is feelin' froggy, I wear a size zero. Thanks in advance. *grin*

School-day dreaming

A friend, Matt, is playing World of Warcraft in front of me in class. I feel as if my eyeballs will roll out of my head if I have to listen to this lecture another minute... I'm driven to fantasize about becoming a fiery elven creature in his game. The sea green world Matt's playing in looks peaceful and welcoming and very non-medical. Full of freedom and conquest. Ahh.

Ahem. Back to lecture...

Oh wait, nevermind...

I WANT THIS

It's shiny and big and beautiful. It's a glorified iTouch with the capacity to be oh so much more! A crystal clear photo/video viewer, a full size touch-screen keyboard, and great reader capability! Thousands of apps are already available! Sure, in six months to a year there will be one a better one for a cheaper price... but for now I can't contain myself from lust. 

Speaking of lusting, I'll now present my graduation gift wish list

Nikon D60 SLR camera with basic kit

Apple iPad

iMac

Black Mini Cooper with tan interior and a sun roof

Visit a place that looks like this

...Or this

TAH DAH!

I'm a natural-born dreamer.

It is funny that sometimes I forget the simplest things about life. Such as, that the southern hemisphere is having it's summer right now. As I shiver through the recent cold snaps that have brought Alabama to it's frozen southern knees, the residents living below that magical line are sun bathing and drinking from coconuts. Except for the Haitians... who have suffered from such a horrible natural disaster... And now I'm off my train of thought.

I should pay attention to lecture now. The director of the County Health Department is speaking on communicable diseases and vaccinations. He's an intelligent, kindly man. I should listen. Oh look! Next up is STDs presentation complete with graphics. Goody.

Preparing for the long night

Sometimes, my optimism is swallowed. Swept over and consumed by a fear of the unknown and fear of a failure. Certain inevitabilities, like rain and running out of gas and peanut-butter on my knuckles when I make sandwiches, become silly issues. Not much of anything can drag me out, logic least of all. It is usually preceded by a manic energy for a day or two, so by the time a depression sweeps in I have nothing left to fight it.

Sometimes, I know exactly what would help, and wish so badly someone could fix me, and sometimes I don't. But if I had to tell someone what could fix me, it wouldn't work as well. There was someone in my life who knew innately what to do. Unfortunately, my mother has never known. She is kind, yet frustrated, if she listens to my stuttered explanations. She has never been one to hug or hold me when I was upset, and that's something I desperately need, in just the right way. But my pre-semester breakdown is almost over, and I'm pulling out of it.

At this moment, I need to nap before my first preceptor shift tonight. I'm nervous and terrified and somewhat resigned to the fates. I know tonight is a testing night for both my nurse and myself. I need to witness the flow of the STICU, the patients that are there, the schedule for the night, and the expectations I'm performing under. The nurse needs to see my earnestness, my dedication to learning, and my eagerness to experience everything possible. I know she won't throw me to the wolves, yet I can't help but wince at the thought me not performing something she expects me to already know. //deep breaths. My breakdown didn't have great timing...but when does it ever. I'll pray hard. And rest up. And do my best tonight.

What children will teach, what adults will learn

Last week while nannying the one and-a-half year old 'buster brown', I noticed the clean light on the dishwasher and began to put the dishes away. The little one had just woken from his nap, and was lightly padding about the kitchen clutching his stuffed lamb. I talked to him as I usually do, explaining the nonsense of grown-up worlds while putting away all the glassware, and he listened in silence, watching me with moon-pie eyes. I grabbed a hand-full of utensils from the basket and turned to place them in the drawer. Hearing a slight shuffle directly behind me, I looked down to see him grasping a fork in his free hand, presenting it up to me. "Why, buster brown, thank you for your help!" I exclaimed, while placing the fork in the drawer. "That's very kind, the fork goes exactly there!" His face broke into a beaming grin, and he toddled across the kitchen to the dishwasher, grasped another fork, and toddled it back over to me. I took it from him, exclaimed my thanks, and he beamed at me all over again. This process repeated until the entire utensil basket was emptied. His attention was unflagging, and each time I sung the praise for his helpfulness, his grin grew wider.

I waited patiently during the long process, being delivered each utensil one by one, but it didn't matter the length of time I stood there. I would have waited twice as long. Seeing the precious earnestness of his desire to help and how he initiated his part to help was wonderful, and the positive reinforcement received from being thanked, over and over, for his voluntary efforts, was worth far more than saving ten minutes. It was worth giving everything to, because little buster brown is designing a pattern of thought right now, everyday, in response to the adults around him. It is worth everything to see that pattern be good and pure and kind.

The fall semester of nursing school ended on a very high note! The week of finals was admittedly very difficult, however, I was determined to spend every moment I could in the library, where I could truly focus, and memorize the key exam materials. The standardized examinations, called HESI, were Thursday and Friday for pediatrics and medical-surgical II, respectively. The spring 2010 precepting positions are granted according to HESI test scores and a random number lottery. I.e., if you've drawn number 1 out of 145 students, and score a 1000+ HESI, you will receive first dibs on any precepting position, anywhere, anytime. The HESI scoring system is bizarre and unexplainable. Two students can easily miss 15 questions, mostly the same, yet receive scores of at least a 100 points difference. And the questions themselves are hard. I missed 11 and scored a 987, and drew number 22 in the lottery. I'm praying this means I'll land my ideal preceptorship: Emergency room, at the larger hospital, pm-am shift.

At the end of the semester reviews, I went in to talk with my clinical advisor, Ms B, who was the course manager of Fundamentals, teaches clinical pediatrics, and will be the course manager of Community Health in the spring. She's a delightful older woman who is smart, kind, and to the point, and I have appreciated having her as my instructor throughout the program. To give me my course performance evaluation, which always sounds so daunting...I sat in her office while she scrambled papers and we talked about the past semesters high-points. She handed me my eval which I was supposed to read and sign, however I am still horrible at interpreting handwriting and it had to be read to me, like a baby. But after listening to her words, which turned out to be the highest praise, I could feel myself becoming very, extremely, emotional. It ended with her looking at me, saying "You have something special in you, and you will go very far in all your career endeavors."

Sometimes I just don't know what I am, who I am, where I am, and worst of all, what I am supposed to be. Isn't there supposed to be some answers around here when you're older? I can feel so fractured. Of course I did wonderful this semester, I always do. I promise I am not being fake...I just don't ever fail. You want a performance? I can perform. I can give what is desired. But what do I desire? ....I want to tell a story, feel emotions, have compassion, give like a sun, be wild like waves, hide like dark, whole and together. Just don't splinter me, don't ask me to be only one, or demand I settle down, stay off my convictions. I desire to be mature, I am responsible, but I'm very ready to leave this part behind, to turn the page. I am ready for my initiation. God's growing me right here today, in the way He desires me...but I think He's placed a doorway in my future...and I pray I get to turn the handle.

I'll paint you a picture that breaks the rule of thirds

I feel like bursting from the seams. God is orchestrating the most inexplicable design in my life, and whenever I catch glimpses of what could be I just want to burst from joy! Life is difficult and sorrowful and a challenge everyday, however God always provides the strength and stamina when you ask! After hardships and bouts of discouragement this semester, there's a revitalization in the coincidences that have dominoed into place.

Okay, here's the shimmy: In summer 2008 my friend Michelle Brightwell asked if I'd like to take some photos on Monte Sano. Then in November of that year, my friend Tyler Pierce asked if I'd like to walk downtown and take some photos. Then Tyler asked me to come to the North Alabama Photographer's Guild (NAPG) in February for a lighting session, where I met several extremely talented photographers, including Nicholas Franklin. Then throughout the spring different opportunities arrived for me to shoot with different people and a variety of photo concepts, including photographer John Crabtree and stylist Laurie Brandon. Then I recently met Atlanta photographer Marc Turnley when he invited me to another NAPG photoshoot after watching my Flickr photostream expand with Nicholas' photos. Then last week while Tyler was shooting around downtown a photographer named Roland from Captured Moments photography approached him about collaborating, and when Roland saw Tyler's portfolio he pointed me out, saying he wanted to meet me and even that, perhaps, he'd met me before. Well, he had. Roland and I met during the Huntsville casting call for America's Next Top Model, where Roland commented on my portfolio and said he wanted to shoot with me, which never happened. So Tyler emailed Roland's information to me and I set-up an appointment to meet Diana Henry, Roland's photography partner and now Vice President of Smith and Yorgure. Diana is currently searching for new, unsigned talent to front Smith and Yorgure's national fashion launch in the spring, and will be referring me to the designer's for their approval.

Please note, I have not lifted one single tiny pinky finger for any of this to happen. Everything has been in God's hands. It's all been word of mouth. It's all been random, it's all been surprising. And whatever God is sending my way is bound to leave me scratching my head in wonderment. How can I claim any glory from the way my life trails out and upwards? And this is merely the modelling - do not get me started on theatre, acting, and voice performance. That's another collection of coincidental stories for another potential post!

Down to earth again. Sigh. Academically....things are terrible. Grades are poor, and certainly not reflecting the effort I'm extending into studying! It's incredibly discouraging. Maybe there's a lesson in there, somewhere, I dunno. However, I'm burying myself in HESI and NCLEX review books from now until December 5th. I apologize in advance for the extended absence.

What I've reflected on many time this past week is how I desire to be an Esther. Since I was young, when mom purchased me a beautiful illustrated book of Esther's story, she was my role model. Esther was a jewish teenager, exiled, orphaned, and living with a caring uncle in one of the largest cities of the gentile nations. Her reputation of beauty and purity was known, such that the king's officials rounded her up during a nationwide quest for the perfect woman. What were her thoughts? Was she pleased, flattered? Did she resist? Was she bored and anything sounded exciting at that point? Actually, there's every indication that she was respectful, intelligent and kind. She agreed to attend, changed her name like her uncle Mordecai suggested, asked for advice from servants, grew in favor to the harem chamber's manager, and entertained a king enough to become his queen with "more approval and favor than any other of the virgins." Actually, she also "won approval in the sight of everyone who saw her." What an incredible reputation! She enraptured the king that ruled the 127 provinces in the India, and was clever, bold and obedient enough to dissuade his decision to commit a mass murder of the jewish inhabitants. The story is powerful to me.

Considering Esther's story, I think over the implications of such an incredible life... Yet what would we have assumed if we were watching this unfold from the outside? What if our next door neighbor was recruited in a beauty contest to spend a year of spa preparations for being with the king? And think of the criteria of virginity - she was living in a culture that celebrated sexual acts as part of their worship to many gods, a country where the king himself demanded that his first queen "show off her beauty" for his guests and then divorced her when she refused. What did her neighbors, her girlfriends, her relatives think when she left for the palace? Esther was indeed an unusual woman in an unusual position, yet this is where God's path led her. She was exactly where she needed to be, wielding exactly what influence required, to change the mind of a temperamental ruler of nations. Her act of faith and self-sacrifice was performed after much prayer and with complete reliance on God, declaring "If I die, I die." How amazing. Esther rose to the pinnacle of favor in the eyes of men as the queen, she had everything she ever desired, yet she stood in her royal robes and gilded chamber after listening to Mordecai's plea and surrendered it all to follow God's calling and save her people. This story has been spilling over into my thoughts so much, and I just pray I can one day have the faith that Esther exhibited.

My uncle Greg passed away last Tuesday without recovering from his coma. My aunt Kathy is distraught, and clings to the small comfort that there was no indication of suffering during his illness and coma. In addition to this blow, she must put two of her horses down because of an infection and a disability. These life changing events have left her alone, mourning, directionless, and deeply in debt. Please pray for Kathy as she is in this place of sorrow, and for the wisdom for my family to help her. We are saddened, but have hope that towards the end of Greg's life he was receptive to God and his word.

Sunday night Journey Group #WHJG is such a blessing. It is an incredible way to end a week/begin a new one, surrounded by a variety of interesting people and enjoying good conversations about Jesus. The environment is open and encouraging...to have a genuine church community surrounding you is amazing.

And...um...I hate to break the fourth wall, you know, but...I've been receiving much encouragement from friends and anonymous readers of my blog, so thank you! I sincerely appreciate all your comments! And scene. ^_^

//Let me talk to you! ((snapshot)) I love beauty and awkwardness and anything I can discover and I rarely dislike anything and dull things sparkle but are as hard as diamonds and there's always a back story and yet another level.//

[Post title from Dan Le Sac vs Scroobius Pip '1000 Words'

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Perhaps I shouldn't establish such unrealistic goals...even when it comes to blogging. It is far more profitable to set reasonable goals and achieve them, and makes one feel far more accomplished. I enjoy feeling accomplished. I'm sure you do too.

The recent months have held joy, trials, failings, accomplishments, and stress like no other semester (which reminds me, I'll be thrilled when I stop gauging life in academic semesters. It's hard to see life as a continuous journey when I block it off into segments of scholastic rat races.) I've approached this blog as a therapy and a personal art, yet still when I experience difficulties in life I retreat into myself. I find the more complexities that arrive the more difficult it becomes to be honest. I would rather smile, laugh, socialize, and be mute about the realities of my thoughts. *deep breath* But here they come tumbling out...

My dear great-grandmother, Sarah Katherine Lucas Shifflett, passed away at age 99 in October. Her passing was peaceful, after attending rehabilitation and receiving comfort measures in the Cook Springs nursing home. Granny, called Katie by those who loved her, lived a quiet life in the country outside Birmingham, observing a century of change progressing around her. She rode a horse and buggy to town, saw her first plane when she was 12 years old, attended a college for young women in the 1930s, married a pharmacist who was 10 years her senior, had two sons and a daughter, was a master of checkers, an avid admirer of cars, and loved all of us grandchildren and great-grandchildren with genuine affection. I will cherish all my memories of running around her home, eating her biscuits, catching green lizards to show to her, drawing on the concrete with clay rocks, and sitting on the worn-down stool at her feet. She will be very missed from my life, and the lives of her family, friends and neighbors. Granny was honored by the attendance of many relatives and acquaintances to her funeral, including my other great-grandmother, Granny Verdie.

I also am mourning the passing of a wonderful mentor, Carol Morris. Mrs Carol was a kind, elderly woman who volunteered her time, patience, and incredible artistic ability to the theatrical community at Fantasy Playhouse. She was seamstress like none other, and fostered my love for sewing and design that was established by my grandmother. Her costume designs won many, many local awards and there are very few costumes on the Fantasy stage that she didn't oversee. Her calm presence was implacable by design difficulties or frustrated emotions. She was very loved by her husband, family, and friends, and she will be missed. And like my friend Jo said, she is sure to be redesigning the angels' robes in heaven.

Sunday, I heard from my aunt Kathy concerning my uncle Greg. Kathy is a large animal veterinarian in Carrolton, Georgia, and Greg is a genius handyman who maintains their farm and several horses. They have been married for about 30 years. Because of Kathy's high risk profession, they have been unable to afford health insurance and have had minimal medical care for the past 30 years. Greg had been fallen unconscious in the barn a few weeks previously, and he couldn't recall what had happened. It was assumed that he was kicked by a horse, but to avoid unnecessary bills they didn't seek medical care. Then last Saturday Kathy witnessed Greg have a seizure. The nearest hospital referred them to a larger facility for adequate care, and Kathy took him to a hospital south of Atlanta. After a few diagnostic tests, they located 2 blood clots in Greg's brain, one old and one new. The surgeon recommended immediate removal, and Greg was rushed in for an emergency operation. The surgery was considered successful and they told Kathy that everything went smoothly and full recovery is expected. However, my uncle Greg hasn't woke up since. He is in a coma, breathing independently, with full oxygen perfusion, but limited brain activity detected on the EEG scan. Please pray for him, and for my aunt. This is a very unexpected blow.

In addition to the basic academics in nursing school this fall, I am functioning as the Community Health Chair in the local AANS chapter at UAH, and as the Breakthrough to Nursing Director at the state level of AANS, in association with NSNA. There have been many learning opportunities, leadership opportunities, and challenges in these positions, but I've enjoyed being involved. The dedication and passion so many of the nursing students have for their profession is incredible. It is inspiring to see the dedication they direct towards the ideals and politics in nursing, always desiring for better care their future patients. Exhibiting leadership in a position such as nursing is vital for the protection of the patients and improving medical outcomes and procedures. With that, the nurse can enjoy a profession that's profitable and fulfilling. Kudos to all the members serving by my side on these boards, we will certainly make a difference.

...And this is the part where I talk about shattering into little broken pieces. God has worked on my heart in a way I didn't see coming. I made mistakes and He proved to me I was wrong. I grasped for companionship where I shouldn't, I buried my true feelings, I ran away from real problems, I was passionate and complacent and all at the wrong times. Being swept up into a vaccuum of indecision when all I needed was God's home of contentment. I am unique and confused, and the only place I belong is in God's hands. He has my heart and although I can fall and I can conquer, I pray nothing will happen outside His will.

Relationships must happen inside His will, as well. I am looking, not for an analysis of how complex they can become and how I'm supposed to weave them, but to sift through to the simplicity of their truth. Relationships are of God and God created us for relationships. The details and variables must be guided by wisdom and thoughtfulness. Constructing a view on dating as a composite of upright examples, advice, recommendations, and mostly personal convictions. I've come full circle. I understand courtship, arranged marriages, old dating models, cultural ideals of dating, and modern dating. I have many reflections on the topics....but more to come. In the meantime, I highly recommend Robin Phillip's writings to anyone seeking alternatives to the legalism of courtship and the liberalism of dating. Phillips won't give you answers, but many important considerations.

What is so infuriatingly beautiful about love? That it is. Neither good nor bad. It is part of the raw material with which we build our lives, bind together, pivot our decisions, perform, and react. But it's so beautiful and painful sometimes.

I'm alone and it is a very good thing. I am not seeking a relationship, but enjoying my friendships. Like a friend Matt and I have determined, we are "friending" everyone and enjoying people's company without an agenda, and it is a healthy place to be. God has given me so much peace in my singleness along with a serious "be still and know" command. He has also revealed to me that I cannot control people's reactions to me, only my own. I must act upright and genuine, above reproach. I have failed terribly at guarding other's hearts, but I have asked forgiveness and for guidance to improve. Now it's upwards and onwards.

Pushing the shine

One would think embarking on 20 would be so exciting.

But no, it's only brought confusion and struggling and a great deal of heart ache. I've forced myself into a situation that I didn't want and I'm almost too terrified of the future to pull myself out. 

I might have an opportunity to move out of my home and I'm thrilled - but like so many times before, I'm frightened to take the leap. All talk, no walk. I tell myself that if finances were not a barrier, that I'd leave for my own place without hesitation. I don't know if I would, but I need to prove something to myself. 

My timeline of life is so screwed up. I matured too fast, graduated too early, and left behind a lovely childhood without fully becoming an adult. I cannot stand the idea of graduating in the spring because in some sense it will signal the end to my adolescence- and I'm loathe to give that up before I experience it!

I'm bad at decisions. Either I make the wrong one or I never decide at all. 

I want to accept the housing offer. I've already mentioned it to my parents and they discussed every disadvantage to the idea. But pleasing them is a lost cause, and something I've realized will not happen. Regardless of whether I move out this fall or next spring or next year, they will have some objection to my decision. Yes, there is logic to waiting a few more months and saving money, but the truth is I believe that moving is a good decision, and if I land a decent job, I will.

I know that permanency is the most terrifying concept to me... Like permanency of lifelong decisions... Of unbreakable contracts. Love, in my opinion, should be an unbreakable contract. As is marriage, and motherhood. How do I fight this? Pray and work towards contentment? Sure, sure. I'm afraid my drive towards randomization and multi-faceted, sparkly ideas will push someone away from me. And I become furious when I'm alone, I know this now. There's nothing like being locked inside myself. It's miserable. And all the pain of my thoughts sits in my stomach especially. I dislike eating alone, cooking alone, driving alone, and thinking alone, and reading alone, and deciding things alone. This aloneness is absolutely essential right now - but that doesn't make me hate it less.

I have all these ideas, and all this experience, and all these good things in my life. Yet as much as I enjoy them, it's a taunting pleasure because I cannot see the pattern that God is working. He hasn't revealed his plan to me, and I feel too apathetic to ask him to explain or demand why he hasn't. I can just sit back and watch as these opportunities fall into my lap. When I sort them through the pieces never fit. It's so frustrating. 

I've been listening to an awful lot of The Shins lately. I try Death Cab and Copeland and Regina but their music is too heartbreaking. Lovedrug kinda helps too, like always. And true to form my radio stays fixed on 103.5 and I'm too melancholy to be embarrassed.

Old Towne Coffee Shop will become a permanent fixture in my life, I can tell. The environment, wonderful coffee and outdoor gazebo are very soothing to my soul. The good company is so good too.

Summer classes are going well, with projects coming to a close. I'm behind in everything because I couldn't study anything for over a week, but I'm trying to complete things now before they are due. I've decided that school is not worth stressing over, in any way. I have too many other academic and leadership outlets to test and prove myself in than to worry about exam grades. So that's that. I was offered the position of Chair of Community Health by the local chapter of NSNA that I accepted. I'm thrilled about the responsibility and am already in the rudimentary stages of planning with some of my committee members. It's sure to be a great project - much more information to come.

Thanks for listening.

-----------------

Garden State: "This song will change you life," she said while leaning in towards his reserved hesitant figure sitting in the neurologists waiting room and she placed the large earphones over his head and watched his face as the music played on. He started realizing, with her nearby, that feeling things, once more, might be nice.

---------------------

This goose is cooked, these tongues are tied

Around the block an airborne blight -

But looking on the brighter side

There's far less to which I'd be obliged

In the meadow where the black breeze blows,

where underneath the waves you were most alone -

Can you hear the subtle, aching tone?

Through the water, through the earth,

chill the bones.

-The Shins