Soapbox, part 1

They say this is the hardest language
perhaps second only to the orients far east.
The words never mean what Mr Webster says
but are pliable to context, nuance, overtones, and bias.
In addition is modern connatation that can turn
even the most puritan phrase into slanderous flilth.
The rules never apply to more than one incident
and generally contradict one another at every turn.
The intricate webbing of "'I'-before-'e'-except-after-'c'"
and "When-a-word-ends-with-a-short-vowel-and-consonant
the-last-consonant-is-doubled-before-adding-a-suffix-that
begins-with-a-vowel-but-only-while-wearing-purple-lingerie,"
is complicated beyond reason.
Take into consideration that the identification of a compound
double predicate would force a weathered english instructor to weep,
and the layman's abuse of the apostrophe is - at minimum -
enough to produce the gnashing of teeth in the sternest grammatician.
In short, what is produced is a world-wide classification of
life-loving persons who are TERRIFIED OF THEIR OWN LANGUAGE.

And so they should be.

. . .
What is called for is the massive reconstruction of the world's English language.
Or the decimation of mankind.
It's our choice.

"Dear Ms Truss:
I understand why
such woes cause all
stickler's premature greying.
Not the least of which is
the infamous comma, splice."