12.21.2009

Jennfunique!

I was delighted when friend and artist Jennifer Birge asked me to model for her Etsy account! Jennifer creates a wide variety of beautiful hand-crafted headbands and accessories (and her craft room is simply too adorable, and meticulously organized!) We had an enjoyable afternoon shooting these in front of her newspapered wall. ^_^


12.15.2009

Rehview, rehview! Reco'mends for you!

I'm a natural sucker for packaging just like the next girl, and have learned a few significant lessons in the pursuit of fashion and beauty. And well, it is too expensive to purchase items you end up not liking, we know this already! t's good to find the products you appreciate using, again and again, and suggest to others. Here's a few items I've enjoyed using over the past year. If you have any comments or suggestions in return, please respond. ^_^

Smashbox Sheer Focus tinted moisturizer...absorbs and covers well! No fuss, and it's my excuse for never wearing foundation. The SPF 15 is a plus, since I have decided to embrace my paleness. I've also tried Cover Girl Smoothers and Benefit You Rebel Lite. Cover Girl was creamier and coverage lasted only about 5 hours, where as Benefit held well but with sheerer coverage altogether.



Mascara must be one of the sketchiest of cosmetics. There's an overwhelming variety of brands claiming many benefits, and the price range runs $4.50-28.00. I've experimented with many, both high and low end, and always returned to Maybelline's Great Lash, the standby classic for many years (my mom's wore it since the 80s!). However, when Ulta gave me a free Stila Major Lash with a purchase, I was converted. Stila's claim of no flaking and softness is legitimate, it thickens nicely, wearability is great, and I enjoy the smoothness of the product. Maybelline will stay in my drawer, but Stila has its special spot now.




Biore Deep Cleansing Pore Strips...yes, we're going there. Instant gratification. Recommended for guys as well, since their beauty regime should just rely on keeping their skin clear. After two weeks of regular use, pores close up and skin remains much clearer. The Ultra Deep Cleansing ones do work significantly better than the basic.



I'm a jean snob cultivated from a young age. When I was little, I always desired the "cool" jeans, and Goody's Levi's just wouldn't do. I wore my L.E.I bell bottoms from J.C. Penny to shreds. This snobbery was unfortunately exacerbated by my awkward 11-year-old growth spurt to an indecisive 5'8" (neither "average" nor "tall") and being modest which limits cheaper options (higher rise and still stylish? Nearly impossible.). Consistent truths: American Eagle and Hollister jeans have never and will never fit my body, and that the cheaper the jean the quicker stretch is lost. Gap was my rescue, but I found the styling could be somewhat off and sizing a hit-or-miss (0, 2, 4, long, or average, always a guess). After being hired at Anthropologie this August, I took the plunge to purchase a designer pair. J Brand, curvy skinny cut, 27 - perfect. The cut was ideal for my body, the deep wash has stayed true through numerous cold washes, and the jean stretch stays marvelously well. I pair them with everything. I could see them lasting forever, there are no signs of wear so far. I highly recommend the investment.




Perhaps these suggestions help in a way. I would enjoy hearing your reviews as well!

12.10.2009

What children will teach, what adults will learn

Last week while nannying the one and-a-half year old 'buster brown', I noticed the clean light on the dishwasher and began to put the dishes away. The little one had just woken from his nap, and was lightly padding about the kitchen clutching his stuffed lamb. I talked to him as I usually do, explaining the nonsense of grown-up worlds while putting away all the glassware, and he listened in silence, watching me with moon-pie eyes. I grabbed a hand-full of utensils from the basket and turned to place them in the drawer. Hearing a slight shuffle directly behind me, I looked down to see him grasping a fork in his free hand, presenting it up to me. "Why, buster brown, thank you for your help!" I exclaimed, while placing the fork in the drawer. "That's very kind, the fork goes exactly there!" His face broke into a beaming grin, and he toddled across the kitchen to the dishwasher, grasped another fork, and toddled it back over to me. I took it from him, exclaimed my thanks, and he beamed at me all over again. This process repeated until the entire utensil basket was emptied. His attention was unflagging, and each time I sung the praise for his helpfulness, his grin grew wider.

I waited patiently during the long process, being delivered each utensil one by one, but it didn't matter the length of time I stood there. I would have waited twice as long. Seeing the precious earnestness of his desire to help and how he initiated his part to help was wonderful, and the positive reinforcement received from being thanked, over and over, for his voluntary efforts, was worth far more than saving ten minutes. It was worth giving everything to, because little buster brown is designing a pattern of thought right now, everyday, in response to the adults around him. It is worth everything to see that pattern be good and pure and kind.

The fall semester of nursing school ended on a very high note! The week of finals was admittedly very difficult, however, I was determined to spend every moment I could in the library, where I could truly focus, and memorize the key exam materials. The standardized examinations, called HESI, were Thursday and Friday for pediatrics and medical-surgical II, respectively. The spring 2010 precepting positions are granted according to HESI test scores and a random number lottery. I.e., if you've drawn number 1 out of 145 students, and score a 1000+ HESI, you will receive first dibs on any precepting position, anywhere, anytime. The HESI scoring system is bizarre and unexplainable. Two students can easily miss 15 questions, mostly the same, yet receive scores of at least a 100 points difference. And the questions themselves are hard. I missed 11 and scored a 987, and drew number 22 in the lottery. I'm praying this means I'll land my ideal preceptorship: Emergency room, at the larger hospital, pm-am shift.

At the end of the semester reviews, I went in to talk with my clinical advisor, Ms B, who was the course manager of Fundamentals, teaches clinical pediatrics, and will be the course manager of Community Health in the spring. She's a delightful older woman who is smart, kind, and to the point, and I have appreciated having her as my instructor throughout the program. To give me my course performance evaluation, which always sounds so daunting...I sat in her office while she scrambled papers and we talked about the past semesters high-points. She handed me my eval which I was supposed to read and sign, however I am still horrible at interpreting handwriting and it had to be read to me, like a baby. But after listening to her words, which turned out to be the highest praise, I could feel myself becoming very, extremely, emotional. It ended with her looking at me, saying "You have something special in you, and you will go very far in all your career endeavors."

Sometimes I just don't know what I am, who I am, where I am, and worst of all, what I am supposed to be. Isn't there supposed to be some answers around here when you're older? I can feel so fractured. Of course I did wonderful this semester, I always do. I promise I am not being fake...I just don't ever fail. You want a performance? I can perform. I can give what is desired. But what do I desire? ....I want to tell a story, feel emotions, have compassion, give like a sun, be wild like waves, hide like dark, whole and together. Just don't splinter me, don't ask me to be only one, or demand I settle down, stay off my convictions. I desire to be mature, I am responsible, but I'm very ready to leave this part behind, to turn the page. I am ready for my initiation. God's growing me right here today, in the way He desires me...but I think He's placed a doorway in my future...and I pray I get to turn the handle.

11.29.2009

Without Condition

You find this situation just a bit uncomfortable;
You'd rather stay far away from reality.
For you to understand would be clearly impossible;
So you shut your eyes and swear you can see.
Claiming there is a God, but does that mean anything?
So condescending to those that you don't understand;
Just too easy to make them your enemies.
Like an ostrich, you bury your head in the sand,
And then shout about all the things you believe.
But if there is a God, don't you think He can see
What you really mean? What you're doing?

You can't find the answers till you learn to question;
You won't appear stupid, just ask for direction.
You're insecure and it clouds your perception
So stop and listen
And learn a lesson in love without condition.

So place all the souls that you know in their own little box;
Quite convenient to handle them that way;
You're the only one you know who carries a cross
You don't care what they care about anyway.
And You talk to your God, prayin' for those who sin,
For their eyes to be opened.



-Ginny Owens

11.21.2009

When life gets inexplicable

Inexplicate it.


Step back and shake off your thoughts.
Re-evaluate from your paradigm.
Disregard other's opinions or pre-conceived judgements
until you seek advice from someone trusted.
Otherwise, shed all that fretting.
Move. Relax.
See where the river takes you.

11.16.2009

I'll paint you a picture that breaks the rule of thirds

I feel like bursting from the seams. God is orchestrating the most inexplicable design in my life, and whenever I catch glimpses of what could be I just want to burst from joy! Life is difficult and sorrowful and a challenge everyday, however God always provides the strength and stamina when you ask! After hardships and bouts of discouragement this semester, there's a revitalization in the coincidences that have dominoed into place.

Okay, here's the shimmy: In summer 2008 my friend Michelle Brightwell asked if I'd like to take some photos on Monte Sano. Then in November of that year, my friend Tyler Pierce asked if I'd like to walk downtown and take some photos. Then Tyler asked me to come to the North Alabama Photographer's Guild (NAPG) in February for a lighting session, where I met several extremely talented photographers, including Nicholas Franklin. Then throughout the spring different opportunities arrived for me to shoot with different people and a variety of photo concepts, including photographer John Crabtree and stylist Laurie Brandon. Then I recently met Atlanta photographer Marc Turnley when he invited me to another NAPG photoshoot after watching my Flickr photostream expand with Nicholas' photos. Then last week while Tyler was shooting around downtown a photographer named Roland from Captured Moments photography approached him about collaborating, and when Roland saw Tyler's portfolio he pointed me out, saying he wanted to meet me and even that, perhaps, he'd met me before. Well, he had. Roland and I met during the Huntsville casting call for America's Next Top Model, where Roland commented on my portfolio and said he wanted to shoot with me, which never happened. So Tyler emailed Roland's information to me and I set-up an appointment to meet Diana Henry, Roland's photography partner and now Vice President of Smith and Yorgure. Diana is currently searching for new, unsigned talent to front Smith and Yorgure's national fashion launch in the spring, and will be referring me to the designer's for their approval.

Please note, I have not lifted one single tiny pinky finger for any of this to happen. Everything has been in God's hands. It's all been word of mouth. It's all been random, it's all been surprising. And whatever God is sending my way is bound to leave me scratching my head in wonderment. How can I claim any glory from the way my life trails out and upwards? And this is merely the modelling - do not get me started on theatre, acting, and voice performance. That's another collection of coincidental stories for another potential post!

Down to earth again. Sigh. Academically....things are terrible. Grades are poor, and certainly not reflecting the effort I'm extending into studying! It's incredibly discouraging. Maybe there's a lesson in there, somewhere, I dunno. However, I'm burying myself in HESI and NCLEX review books from now until December 5th. I apologize in advance for the extended absence.

What I've reflected on many time this past week is how I desire to be an Esther. Since I was young, when mom purchased me a beautiful illustrated book of Esther's story, she was my role model. Esther was a jewish teenager, exiled, orphaned, and living with a caring uncle in one of the largest cities of the gentile nations. Her reputation of beauty and purity was known, such that the king's officials rounded her up during a nationwide quest for the perfect woman. What were her thoughts? Was she pleased, flattered? Did she resist? Was she bored and anything sounded exciting at that point? Actually, there's every indication that she was respectful, intelligent and kind. She agreed to attend, changed her name like her uncle Mordecai suggested, asked for advice from servants, grew in favor to the harem chamber's manager, and entertained a king enough to become his queen with "more approval and favor than any other of the virgins." Actually, she also "won approval in the sight of everyone who saw her." What an incredible reputation! She enraptured the king that ruled the 127 provinces in the India, and was clever, bold and obedient enough to dissuade his decision to commit a mass murder of the jewish inhabitants. The story is powerful to me.

Considering Esther's story, I think over the implications of such an incredible life... Yet what would we have assumed if we were watching this unfold from the outside? What if our next door neighbor was recruited in a beauty contest to spend a year of spa preparations for being with the king? And think of the criteria of virginity - she was living in a culture that celebrated sexual acts as part of their worship to many gods, a country where the king himself demanded that his first queen "show off her beauty" for his guests and then divorced her when she refused. What did her neighbors, her girlfriends, her relatives think when she left for the palace? Esther was indeed an unusual woman in an unusual position, yet this is where God's path led her. She was exactly where she needed to be, wielding exactly what influence required, to change the mind of a temperamental ruler of nations. Her act of faith and self-sacrifice was performed after much prayer and with complete reliance on God, declaring "If I die, I die." How amazing. Esther rose to the pinnacle of favor in the eyes of men as the queen, she had everything she ever desired, yet she stood in her royal robes and gilded chamber after listening to Mordecai's plea and surrendered it all to follow God's calling and save her people. This story has been spilling over into my thoughts so much, and I just pray I can one day have the faith that Esther exhibited.

My uncle Greg passed away last Tuesday without recovering from his coma. My aunt Kathy is distraught, and clings to the small comfort that there was no indication of suffering during his illness and coma. In addition to this blow, she must put two of her horses down because of an infection and a disability. These life changing events have left her alone, mourning, directionless, and deeply in debt. Please pray for Kathy as she is in this place of sorrow, and for the wisdom for my family to help her. We are saddened, but have hope that towards the end of Greg's life he was receptive to God and his word.

Sunday night Journey Group #WHJG is such a blessing. It is an incredible way to end a week/begin a new one, surrounded by a variety of interesting people and enjoying good conversations about Jesus. The environment is open and encouraging...to have a genuine church community surrounding you is amazing.

And...um...I hate to break the fourth wall, you know, but...I've been receiving much encouragement from friends and anonymous readers of my blog, so thank you! I sincerely appreciate all your comments! And scene. ^_^

//Let me talk to you! ((snapshot)) I love beauty and awkwardness and anything I can discover and I rarely dislike anything and dull things sparkle but are as hard as diamonds and there's always a back story and yet another level.//

[Post title from Dan Le Sac vs Scroobius Pip '1000 Words'

11.10.2009

A handful of quotables

Advice and not-so-much-advice from the past week:

"Focus! Focus! It's like you're running around without a - oh crap I forgot to do something!"

"Dreamt about you last night. You had a bad infection in your finger!"

"God is so dynamic and I never know what's going on."

"I love you, baby doll. Anytime for lunch this week?"...my dad... and of course, yes!

"Robbie and I are voyeurs - looking @ ur absofuckinglutely great photos on FB. We've agreed that u have a million looks and they are all spot on. Future ANTM?"...text from my theatre hero, Joy Poff

"Stop playing with little boys, Kait, you're gonna get hurt."...advice from a boy, oddly enough...

"I'm not like the rest."

"Are you going to be a stripper?"| "...Wasn't...planning on it...?" | "You should, you'd make a fortune!"

"We could skip the bank part."

"I want to support you in your craziest dreams Kait, and it's not a matter of success or failure, it's a matter of what you love to do. And doing it. And acting is a great dream." ...My momma told me that.

:: And can I just say NATALIE PORTMAN in V Mag! She is my idol for so many reasons.
When I grow up, I want to be just like her. ::

11.04.2009

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Perhaps I shouldn't establish such unrealistic goals...even when it comes to blogging. It is far more profitable to set reasonable goals and achieve them, and makes one feel far more accomplished. I enjoy feeling accomplished. I'm sure you do too.

The recent months have held joy, trials, failings, accomplishments, and stress like no other semester (which reminds me, I'll be thrilled when I stop gauging life in academic semesters. It's hard to see life as a continuous journey when I block it off into segments of scholastic rat races.) I've approached this blog as a therapy and a personal art, yet still when I experience difficulties in life I retreat into myself. I find the more complexities that arrive the more difficult it becomes to be honest. I would rather smile, laugh, socialize, and be mute about the realities of my thoughts. *deep breath* But here they come tumbling out...

My dear great-grandmother, Sarah Katherine Lucas Shifflett, passed away at age 99 in October. Her passing was peaceful, after attending rehabilitation and receiving comfort measures in the Cook Springs nursing home. Granny, called Katie by those who loved her, lived a quiet life in the country outside Birmingham, observing a century of change progressing around her. She rode a horse and buggy to town, saw her first plane when she was 12 years old, attended a college for young women in the 1930s, married a pharmacist who was 10 years her senior, had two sons and a daughter, was a master of checkers, an avid admirer of cars, and loved all of us grandchildren and great-grandchildren with genuine affection. I will cherish all my memories of running around her home, eating her biscuits, catching green lizards to show to her, drawing on the concrete with clay rocks, and sitting on the worn-down stool at her feet. She will be very missed from my life, and the lives of her family, friends and neighbors. Granny was honored by the attendance of many relatives and acquaintances to her funeral, including my other great-grandmother, Granny Verdie.

I also am mourning the passing of a wonderful mentor, Carol Morris. Mrs Carol was a kind, elderly woman who volunteered her time, patience, and incredible artistic ability to the theatrical community at Fantasy Playhouse. She was seamstress like none other, and fostered my love for sewing and design that was established by my grandmother. Her costume designs won many, many local awards and there are very few costumes on the Fantasy stage that she didn't oversee. Her calm presence was implacable by design difficulties or frustrated emotions. She was very loved by her husband, family, and friends, and she will be missed. And like my friend Jo said, she is sure to be redesigning the angels' robes in heaven.

Sunday, I heard from my aunt Kathy concerning my uncle Greg. Kathy is a large animal veterinarian in Carrolton, Georgia, and Greg is a genius handyman who maintains their farm and several horses. They have been married for about 30 years. Because of Kathy's high risk profession, they have been unable to afford health insurance and have had minimal medical care for the past 30 years. Greg had been fallen unconscious in the barn a few weeks previously, and he couldn't recall what had happened. It was assumed that he was kicked by a horse, but to avoid unnecessary bills they didn't seek medical care. Then last Saturday Kathy witnessed Greg have a seizure. The nearest hospital referred them to a larger facility for adequate care, and Kathy took him to a hospital south of Atlanta. After a few diagnostic tests, they located 2 blood clots in Greg's brain, one old and one new. The surgeon recommended immediate removal, and Greg was rushed in for an emergency operation. The surgery was considered successful and they told Kathy that everything went smoothly and full recovery is expected. However, my uncle Greg hasn't woke up since. He is in a coma, breathing independently, with full oxygen perfusion, but limited brain activity detected on the EEG scan. Please pray for him, and for my aunt. This is a very unexpected blow.

In addition to the basic academics in nursing school this fall, I am functioning as the Community Health Chair in the local AANS chapter at UAH, and as the Breakthrough to Nursing Director at the state level of AANS, in association with NSNA. There have been many learning opportunities, leadership opportunities, and challenges in these positions, but I've enjoyed being involved. The dedication and passion so many of the nursing students have for their profession is incredible. It is inspiring to see the dedication they direct towards the ideals and politics in nursing, always desiring for better care their future patients. Exhibiting leadership in a position such as nursing is vital for the protection of the patients and improving medical outcomes and procedures. With that, the nurse can enjoy a profession that's profitable and fulfilling. Kudos to all the members serving by my side on these boards, we will certainly make a difference.

...And this is the part where I talk about shattering into little broken pieces. God has worked on my heart in a way I didn't see coming. I made mistakes and He proved to me I was wrong. I grasped for companionship where I shouldn't, I buried my true feelings, I ran away from real problems, I was passionate and complacent and all at the wrong times. Being swept up into a vaccuum of indecision when all I needed was God's home of contentment. I am unique and confused, and the only place I belong is in God's hands. He has my heart and although I can fall and I can conquer, I pray nothing will happen outside His will.

Relationships must happen inside His will, as well. I am looking, not for an analysis of how complex they can become and how I'm supposed to weave them, but to sift through to the simplicity of their truth. Relationships are of God and God created us for relationships. The details and variables must be guided by wisdom and thoughtfulness. Constructing a view on dating as a composite of upright examples, advice, recommendations, and mostly personal convictions. I've come full circle. I understand courtship, arranged marriages, old dating models, cultural ideals of dating, and modern dating. I have many reflections on the topics....but more to come. In the meantime, I highly recommend Robin Phillip's writings to anyone seeking alternatives to the legalism of courtship and the liberalism of dating. Phillips won't give you answers, but many important considerations.

What is so infuriatingly beautiful about love? That it is. Neither good nor bad. It is part of the raw material with which we build our lives, bind together, pivot our decisions, perform, and react. But it's so beautiful and painful sometimes.

I'm alone and it is a very good thing. I am not seeking a relationship, but enjoying my friendships. Like a friend Matt and I have determined, we are "friending" everyone and enjoying people's company without an agenda, and it is a healthy place to be. God has given me so much peace in my singleness along with a serious "be still and know" command. He has also revealed to me that I cannot control people's reactions to me, only my own. I must act upright and genuine, above reproach. I have failed terribly at guarding other's hearts, but I have asked forgiveness and for guidance to improve. Now it's upwards and onwards.

10.25.2009

A Tuesday Adventure


Ready, Able, originally uploaded by kait.rich.

A real, genuine blog post due tomorrow afternoon. Have a lovely Sunday!

9.26.2009

Envision

We closed our eyes to play the game...

The box was sitting atop a simple, round wooden table situated to the right of the room. Sunbeams were falling in at an angle from an afternoon sun and gleamed iridescently off the box. The box itself was a glass six-sided cube, clear and without a lid, pattern or flaw. It was about a foot wide and tall, almost perfect for toting in your arms.

Next there was a horse. It filled the majority of the space, which was forming into a grassy nook with a feeling of stillness. The horse seemed to be floating, but perhaps not because it also seemed very grounded. It was a palomino, with varying markings over its hide, a long and dark mane and tail, a white face, pink nose and glistening blue eyes. It was larger than the average palomino, muscular, and with an arabian face and structure. The sunbeams fell across it, too, and flickered on its hide to increase the impression of movement.

Flowers were the next addition. All over the grassy nook wildflowers suddenly blossomed, of different styles and differing heights, and in the varieties that I love. The buds were colored purple, yellow, and red. There wasn't a definite end in sight, and the line of flowers simply faded out behind the figure of the horse and table with the box.

A storm began to form. Wind was rustling over everything in the vision, swirling the flowers and the horse's mane. The box stood in its place resting atop the table, vulnerable, as the clouds scattered thickly overhead and the wind increased. The sunbeams were still angling down, and the box was shimmering under the crash and whip of the elements. Rain didn't begin and lightning never started, the wind and mood was enough to know.

Let's dare to psychoanalyze....

The box is, in essence, yourself. The horse, your future spouse. The flowers are your relationships. The storm is the way difficulties manifest themselves in your life.

9.16.2009

Listen to a joyous story!

Men of Israel, listen to these words: This Jesus of Nazarene was a man pointed out to you by God with miracles, wonders, and signs that God did among you through Him, just as you yourselves know. Though He was delivered up according to God's determined plan and foreknowledge, you used lawless people to nail Him to a cross and kill him. God raised Him up, ending the pains of death, because it was not possible for Him to be held by it.

For David says of him:
"I saw the Lord ever before me;
because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart was glad,
and my tongue rejoiced.
Moreover my flesh will rest in hope,
because You will not leave my soul in Hades,
or allow Your Holy One to see decay.
You have revealed the paths of life to me;
You will fill me with gladness in your presence."

Acts 2:22-28

9.10.2009

Huck PAC

Because I'm too swamped in nursing school to reinvent the wheel, here's my sentiments as stated by Huckabee's group:

President Obama tried a reboot last night.… He attempted to apply CPR to the flat-lining health care reform bill with a dramatic speech to both houses of Congress. He tried to bring back his campaign-era bipartisan tone, saying he wanted to incorporate ideas from all sides. 

His new buzzwords were “market exchange,” “competition” “rugged individualism” and “tax credits.” He hammered on things, like requiring insurers to cover preventative care, or doing away with pre-existing condition limits. He even called for letting states do pilot projects to reduce frivolous malpractice lawsuits. He does however want to mandate that everyone carry health insurance, but he promised that 95 percent of small businesses would be exempt. And he swore that the public option wouldn’t require anyone to give up their current plan…although notice that isn’t a promise that your plan will still exist after the bill takes effect. 

His promise that this plan will actually reduce the deficit was harder to swallow than a horse pill. Does anyone except for the Obama White House and Nancy Pelosi really believe that a new government health care program will be so efficient that it can be paid for just with all the waste and fraud we can wring out of another government health care program, Medicare? 

Still, the President has a bigger problem than that. I’ll tell you what it is. 

President Obama’s biggest problem is that last night, he made many clearly-stated promises that sound great – health care for all, lower costs, free colonoscopies – but that’s not what Congress is about to vote on. He talked as if the process is just starting, but there’s already a bill before Congress, and it’s a murky, 1,018-page monstrosity, and nobody can explain for certain what it says. 

So here is my suggestion, if the President really wants to create a bipartisan, market-based health reform bill, the best way to start is not with a rebooted speech, but by booting the current bill and starting over from scratch

9.08.2009

Accountability, yo

One week altered vegan

Just say YES!
Peanut butter, raisins, whole wheat bread, soy milk, apples, bananas, yams, avocado, tomato, celery, carrots, broccoli, beans, rice, mushrooms, vinagarettes, green and black teas, honey, olive oil, 70% dark cocoa chocolate, home-cooked foods, eggs, tuna and salmon fish, rare greek yogurt and frozen yogurt (otherwise no survival!)

Just say NO!
White potatoes, white breads, corn, too much sugar, too much caffeine, salad dressings, cheese, milk, ice cream, processed foods, candy, chocolate, all sodas, all Red Bulls 

A change in dietary habits is essential for a healthy life, and I want to take another step towards that. This isn't an earth-shaking revelation, it's just time to act.

8.19.2009

Let's do this short-term-goal thing

To remain focused on the present, I need tangible objectives. (I figured this out on my own, of course....) So let's tackle and conquer to two things I loathe the most: waking up early and running for exercise. 

And let's confront first my rationale for all the hate.

I dislike waking up early because my body dislikes it. My internal clock runs on a noon-til-midnight wake schedule and when circumstances allow it that schedule works bea-u-tifully. However, when responsibilities in work and school begin this fall I need a consistent schedule to support my sleep/wake cycle. And the best compromise time between clinical days (5am) and class days (7am) is....6am. 

I dislike running because it is boring. B o r i n g. I am too slow of a runner to keep it interesting. I mean, why not jump on a bike? It is twice as fast! But that's not the point. I want to mental discipline of training for a beneficial goal while overcoming my objection to running. And since I don't have a road bike, running is more convenient. 'Cause it's free.

The goal: 
               Run a 5K by September 23
The plan:
            First week, run half a mile/walk two miles. Second week, run one/walk two.
             Third week, run one and a half/walk two. Fourth week, run two/walk one.
              Fifth week, run two and a half/walk one. Sixth week, run 3.2 miles. Woot!

The goal:
            Have a consistent sleep/wake schedule
The plan:
            Weekdays wake at 6am regular days/5am clinical days, bed before 10pm
            Weekends wake at 8am, bed before 11pm
Yep. Conquering both these areas of my life would give me a wonderful sense of accomplishment. I am determined to finish these goals. And (maybe, perhaps) gain some mental discipline. 

This morning I began reading 'Fearlessly Feminine' by Jani Ortlund. I picked up this book reluctantly, doubting that this author had anything to new say on "the model Christian woman" or if her message could be anything but a cotton-candy filled inspirational. However, already, her words are inspiring me with their truth.....

"And so we fret and fantasize and take things into our own hands. We make self the center of our lives, and God becomes some peripheral religious ornamentation, all in a fear-driven attempt to secure our happiness. But does it work? Are we happy? Look at the world. Look at all the abortions and divorces and troubled children. Look at the rejections and regrets and remorse. We only want to be happy. So why aren't we? Because we believe a lie. We believe we'll be happy when everything is finally going our way. But this is a deception. What we really need is not a perfect life with everything we crave neatly assembled around us. What we really need is God."

-Jani Ortlund

8.13.2009

A sailor suit, a sailor suit, a rice ball in a sailor suit!

I recently realized that I hadn't mentioned my wonderful 20th birthday party! I feel terrible, because it was just the best party and two of my friends helped me out extensively with it. It just fell through the cracks during a difficult time. Soooo.....

I'm a theme kind of person - a party always needs a theme. For my July birthday pool party, I chose Japan - tricky and somewhat bizarre, since all the party stores were about was hawaiian or patriotic. I scouted the local Asian markets and found some essential items, and with my friend's wonderful suggestions, the food and decor was great! Many people showed up dressed to impress in an asian theme, and with our party pants on we stayed up til long after midnight (and survived an impressive summer thunderstorm)....


As for the theme, I couldn't help it...I love the Japanese culture! Anne loaned me A Japanese Inn by Oliver Statler, and I'm enraptured by this tale of a inn, steeped in culture and tradition, surviving the flow of history around it. Lately, I re-watched Memoirs of a Gheisha, Spirited Away, Nassica, Fruits Basket, and Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. And of course, I always love me some manga. (^_^)

Good news! Sinus infection is vanquished. One 5-day Zpack and I was back on track. Aha.

New people in my life! Amazing, kind people! I'm just so happy.

Other than that, I'd rather not talk about feelings right now. But I'm doing very good. I'm seeking God, and that's all I care to ask for.

8.11.2009

Ignorance

If I'm a bad person, you don't like me.
I guess I'll go, make my own way.
It's a circle, a mean cycle.
I can't excite you anymore.
Where's your gavel, your jury? What's my offense this time?
You're not a judge but if you're gonna judge me,
Well sentence me to another life.

Don't wanna hear your sad songs.
I don't wanna feel your pain, when you swear it's all my fault.
Cause you know we're not the same.
Oh we're not the same,
The friends who stuck together.
We wrote our names in blood,
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good, it's good.
You treat me just like another stranger.
Well it's nice to meet you sir.
I guess I'll go. I best be on my way out.
Ignorance is your new best friend.


This is the best thing that could've happened.
Any longer and I wouldn't have made it.
It's not a war. No, it's not a rapture.
I'm just a person, but you can't take it,
The same tricks that once fooled me.
They won't get you anywhere.
I'm not the same kid from your memory.

Now I can fend for myself.

You treat me just like another stranger.
Well it's nice to meet you sir.
I guess I'll go. I best be on my way out.

-Paramore

8.10.2009

E N F P

Big Five TraitsYour ScoreFacebook AverageThis means you are..
Extroversion9264Very Extroverted.  You are very sociable, outgoing, energetic, and lively. You prefer to be around people most of the time.
Agreeableness9465Very Agreeable.  You have a strong interest in others' needs and well-being. You are very pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative.
Conscientiousness5863Somewhat Free-Spirited.  You enjoy living for the moment but are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.
Emotional Stability3857Neurotic.  You can be upset by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be sensitive and emotional.
Openness to Experience9873Very Open.  You love novelty, variety, and change. You are very curious, imaginative, and creative.

Your Good Side: Tolerant
Tolerant Types are open to, and accepting of, differences in other people. They care about the feelings of others and tend to take their opinions into account when making decisions. Their social skills are reasonably well-developed and they normally relate well to others in both co-worker and supervisory roles. They are described by others with such terms as good-natured, empathic, genial, tactful, diplomatic, calm, and poised.
Your Bad Side: Moody
Moody Types tend to report experiencing many negative emotions and few positive emotions. They are described by others as complex, changeable, worried, depressed, tense, impatient, moody, anxious, irritable, nervous, quitting, unenergetic, unambitious, introverted, cold, unreliable, self-centered, negligent, and stubborn.

Read more about the Big Five personality traits. Content courtesy of John A. Johnson at Penn State.

8.04.2009

Baby, we're going down swinging

Throughout the craziest schedule of last week, I was literally living for the weekend - which included a Six Flags trip with 5 guys and 4 girls hanging out for over 26 hours! Being a coaster virgin I was quaking in my tennis shoes (having only slept 4 hours the night before (in a condo with several guys) also heightened my nervousness). The guys and I drove to ATL in the wee hours of the morning to meet up with Amber and her friends at the park. I had really looking forward to seeing Amber in real time since we had only been Facebook friends up til then! It was wonderful - we said hi, hugged, chatted - then I was hustled along to the biggest, baddest roller coaster I'd ever seen...the Goliath...

To this day I don't know how I managed to slink into that back cart of Goliath after a solid 30 minutes of sweating in line. Perhaps it was because I didn't want to disappoint my new-found girlfriends and guyfriends, and Tyler's face being so darn obnoxious, that I did ride it, and I did survive that glorious terror of a coaster ride. Next, it was on to more fun.

After Goliath and Mind Bender I was loosening up, but the Batman ride was when I let go and enjoyed it. Sandwiched between Amber, Tyler, and Josh, I kept my eyes open and screamed out lungs out. The Ninja was my second favorite with it's continual loops, and the Great American Scream Machine was my least favorite (even though I'm glad I got the wooden-coaster experience).

Since coming back home, the drudge of every day sunk-in when I found out my parents were not about to allow me to enjoy my 2 weeks of summer vacation in blissful freedom. I was very upset with the rules they put in place and their anger towards me and my "lack of contribution to the family cause." Also, I have developed a sinus infection. (-_-)

Sometimes, my tone can be so light, but my heart has been so heavy. When conflicts come to a head with my parents, I feel like I'm fighting for my life - well, fighting for the right to rule my own life. I'm seriously dreading this upcoming school year. I don't want to deal with conflict with them, I don't want to make relationship decisions, I don't want to deal with day to day issues. I'd rather daydream. I'd rather create a perfect world and plan my futuristic actions like a playful demi-god. Everything is so much better when I don't have to deal with it now. I am distressed when I understand that these actions can't be so futuristic anymore - they are here and now.

Today a thought came to mind, one that I never expected to have... I wanted to be a teenager. I know I whine about getting older, but that's just me being silly. This was a real, hungry desire to feel the freedom of a 14 year old girl. And I don't remember if I ever felt that before, probably just snapshots, and that makes me even sadder inside. I can only search out the joy that I know God wants for me. My friend Gloria emailed me today saying "choose joy." And that what I need to do everyday, choose joy. I cannot escape the realities that have crashed around my day dreams, but I can cling to the hope that God wants us to be child-like in him and to be joyful.

So if my daydreams come crashing, will I have the courage to make them realities?

8.03.2009

One more time, with feeling

Our stitches are all out but your scars are healing wrong
And the helium room inside your room has come undone
And it's pushing up at the ceiling and the flickering lights it cannot get beyond

Oh everyone takes turns
Now it's yours to play the part
And they're sitting all around you, holding copies of your chart
And the misery in their eyes is synchronized and reflected into yours

Hold on - one more time with feeling
Try it again - breathing's just a rhythm
Say it in your mind until you know that the words are right
This is, why we, fight.

Do do do do do do-we-oo-we-oo-we-oo

You thought by now you'd be so much better than you are
You thought by now they'd see that you had come so far
And the pride inside their eyes would synchronize into a love you've never know
So much more than you've been shown.


-------------------------------------------------------------

You step on all my parts and then you walk right out the door
And I know that your love a'int never coming back no more

Time is all around except inside my clock
Everyone is waiting for their lover to unlock

Leaves become most beautiful when they're about to die
When they're about to fall from trees, when they're about to dry up
Time is all around, time is all around

I hallucinate a cat between my feet
I'm stepping lightly so as not to hurt it.
Everybody wants to say that you have changed
Of course you've changed, you've changed - your mind's been rearranged

Leaves become most beautiful when they're about to die
When they're about to fall from trees, when they're about to dry up

Why am I supposed to love if I don't want to love?
Why am I supposed to?
I'm so tired
Why am I supposed to love if I don't want to?
I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want, I don't want


-Regina Spektor

7.29.2009

Bravado

My best friend told me I fake a smile too easily.
That I hide, that I'm not honest with people around me.
He's right, because he knows me better than I know myself.

All I'm doing is hurting but I can't stop smiling.

-----------------------------------------------------

I'm coming apart at the seams
Pitching myself for leads in other people's dreams
Now buzz, buzz, buzz,
Doc, there's a hole where something was...

So boycott love
Detox, just to retox
And I'd promise you anything for another shot at life
Imperfect boys with their perfect ploys
Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy

-Fall Out Boy

7.27.2009

Abby and Jeff's wedding

Wedding day!




...Girl's night out and lingerie shower...






7.25.2009

I work hard every day of my life

"Find me someone to loooooooove......."

Yes, I'm all about Queen right now and it's awesome.

I had two consecutive housing offers from wonderful girls and each fell through. I'm disappointed, and earlier I was upset, but I realize it's all about timing. God will open the opportunities up again when it's right. Now I just need to pray about my attitude and priorities so I can enjoy a nice last year with my parents. I want it to be pleasant and enjoyable, and I need guidance about my interacting with them. I have decided it's worth reevaluating my attitude and becoming more pliable to their wishes if necessary. I'm over fighting. I'm sure this is a learning opportunity or something like that. Sigh.

I did land a waitressing job at a rather unusual place, and I'm interested to see how training week goes. The owner was very nice and understanding, and said she hopes everything will be "compatible" and if not, that's fine. Being a locally owned place, I feel more comfortable about the opportunity - I'm done with corporations for as long as I can avoid them. Anyways, I will also apply at two other businesses because they're conveniently nearby and more preferable in my opinion.

Art. Ideas keep parading through my head. Ideas...designs...colors...origami... I am wanting to hide myself away to sketch for hours without interruption. Yet the end product won't look good and I'll be depressed. Ha. 

Weddings. That's all I'm gonna say.

I am blessed with wonderful, caring, fun-loving friends and I cannot express my gratefulness enough! With the changes in my life during the past month, they've sprung from the background and gathered around to support me when I was hurting and upset. They understood - or if they didn't, accepted - my decision and prayed for me and kept my spirit balanced. While reflecting on how I had lost touch with so many good people, and in some ways myself, I feel doubly determined to focus on God. I know he's blessed me and I need to re-direct my focus on him, which will probably lead me back to reaching out to people surrounding me.

Another thing I have re-discovered is how extremely social I am, in so many ways. (I de-activated my Facebook account temporarily because I needed that emotional break, but I consider it a social cop-out anyways). I enjoy being with people and meeting people and hanging out with people. I think God's greatest gift to us was each other. I intend to have an open-door policy when I have my own place! I want to reach out to people through my home, and hopefully everyone will feel comfortable stopping by when they want to. 

I'm challenging myself on my "free time". I'm just needing to know where it goes, because my "free time" tends to disappear and it's not because I'm being productive. Sometimes I'm over committed, and time flies by that way, however I know there are moments when I just repeat meaningless actions and waste good minutes. I'm try to log my activities more closely, just to understand how I'm really spending time.

The word that most describes me, in my current situation, is free. I'm almost typed confused, because yes that is true too. However, I feel free and open to every possibility. I love it. It's as if I'm digging up those old dreams that never truly died. I don't know how I got off track... I can hypothesize though... it was losing touch with my parents, it was their 2 year divorce, it was altering myself to fit into the group around me. Something knocked me off course, onto another path, but I liked it. I like that possibility too, that alternate course. Yet it isn't the right time for that path, which is what caused me to feel lost and closed in. I care for someone so deeply, but not enough to change from who I am and my goals. Not enough to neglect the first path in my dreams. 

I never realized how far I had strayed, and how deeply I'd gone in, until I turned around and the path was unfamiliar and I was clinging to one person.

- - - - - - - - - - - - 
Addendum:
....Now... I sit at home now and think, "that's not impossible." Anything that comes to mind seems realistic and exciting! Perhaps that's a small sign of insanity.... (I think I remember something from psych class like this...erhm.) Ideas seem almost tangible. I can travel, and now that I know I can, and I will. There is not a single reason why I shouldn't - even finances are negotiable - and since my friend Corrie has approached me about opportunities of working overseas, my heart is happy. It could be perfect. I'm praying about it... but it's so bizarre when she started talking about it - immediately I thought "Oh yes, that's it." It felt right! The future looks so shiny and bright now! Maybe this is why all my moving out plans fell through. Perhaps.

7.21.2009

Pushing the shine

One would think embarking on 20 would be so exciting.

But no, it's only brought confusion and struggling and a great deal of heart ache. I've forced myself into a situation that I didn't want and I'm almost too terrified of the future to pull myself out. 

I might have an opportunity to move out of my home and I'm thrilled - but like so many times before, I'm frightened to take the leap. All talk, no walk. I tell myself that if finances were not a barrier, that I'd leave for my own place without hesitation. I don't know if I would, but I need to prove something to myself. 

My timeline of life is so screwed up. I matured too fast, graduated too early, and left behind a lovely childhood without fully becoming an adult. I cannot stand the idea of graduating in the spring because in some sense it will signal the end to my adolescence- and I'm loathe to give that up before I experience it!

I'm bad at decisions. Either I make the wrong one or I never decide at all. 

I want to accept the housing offer. I've already mentioned it to my parents and they discussed every disadvantage to the idea. But pleasing them is a lost cause, and something I've realized will not happen. Regardless of whether I move out this fall or next spring or next year, they will have some objection to my decision. Yes, there is logic to waiting a few more months and saving money, but the truth is I believe that moving is a good decision, and if I land a decent job, I will.

I know that permanency is the most terrifying concept to me... Like permanency of lifelong decisions... Of unbreakable contracts. Love, in my opinion, should be an unbreakable contract. As is marriage, and motherhood. How do I fight this? Pray and work towards contentment? Sure, sure. I'm afraid my drive towards randomization and multi-faceted, sparkly ideas will push someone away from me. And I become furious when I'm alone, I know this now. There's nothing like being locked inside myself. It's miserable. And all the pain of my thoughts sits in my stomach especially. I dislike eating alone, cooking alone, driving alone, and thinking alone, and reading alone, and deciding things alone. This aloneness is absolutely essential right now - but that doesn't make me hate it less.

I have all these ideas, and all this experience, and all these good things in my life. Yet as much as I enjoy them, it's a taunting pleasure because I cannot see the pattern that God is working. He hasn't revealed his plan to me, and I feel too apathetic to ask him to explain or demand why he hasn't. I can just sit back and watch as these opportunities fall into my lap. When I sort them through the pieces never fit. It's so frustrating. 

I've been listening to an awful lot of The Shins lately. I try Death Cab and Copeland and Regina but their music is too heartbreaking. Lovedrug kinda helps too, like always. And true to form my radio stays fixed on 103.5 and I'm too melancholy to be embarrassed.

Old Towne Coffee Shop will become a permanent fixture in my life, I can tell. The environment, wonderful coffee and outdoor gazebo are very soothing to my soul. The good company is so good too.

Summer classes are going well, with projects coming to a close. I'm behind in everything because I couldn't study anything for over a week, but I'm trying to complete things now before they are due. I've decided that school is not worth stressing over, in any way. I have too many other academic and leadership outlets to test and prove myself in than to worry about exam grades. So that's that. I was offered the position of Chair of Community Health by the local chapter of NSNA that I accepted. I'm thrilled about the responsibility and am already in the rudimentary stages of planning with some of my committee members. It's sure to be a great project - much more information to come.

Thanks for listening.

-----------------
Garden State: "This song will change you life," she said while leaning in towards his reserved hesitant figure sitting in the neurologists waiting room and she placed the large earphones over his head and watched his face as the music played on. He started realizing, with her nearby, that feeling things, once more, might be nice.
---------------------

This goose is cooked, these tongues are tied
Around the block an airborne blight -
But looking on the brighter side
There's far less to which I'd be obliged

In the meadow where the black breeze blows,
where underneath the waves you were most alone -
Can you hear the subtle, aching tone?
Through the water, through the earth,
chill the bones.

-The Shins

7.20.2009

Battlefield

Don’t try to explain your mind, I know what’s happening here
One minute, it’s love
And, suddenly, it’s like a battlefield

One word turns into a war.
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down?
My world’s nothing when you’re gone.
I’m out here without a shield - can’t go back now.

Both hands tied behind my back with nothing.
These times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it, now…

I never meant to start a war
You know, I never wanna hurt you
Don’t even know what we’re fighting for
Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like...

Can’t swallow our pride, neither of us wanna raise that flag
If we can’t surrender, then we’re both gonna lose what we had.

Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
These times when we climb so fast to fall again
I don’t wanna fall for it, now…

I never meant to start a war
You know, I never wanna hurt you
Don’t even know what we’re fighting for
Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?
Better go and get your armor, get your armor, get your armor, get your armor.
I guess you better go and get your armor...

We could pretend that we are friends tonight
And, in the morning, we wake up, and we’d be alright
‘Cause, baby, we don’t have to fight
And I don’t want this love to feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield
I guess you better go and get your armor…

-Jordin Sparks

7.15.2009

Two Birds

Two birds on a wire
One tries to fly away
And the other watches him close from that wire
He says he wants to as well, but he is a liar

I'll believe it all, there's nothing I won't understand
I'll believe it all, I won't let go of your hand

Two birds on a wire
One says c'mon and the other says "I'm tired.
The sky is overcast and I'm sorry."
One more or one less, nobody's worried

I'll believe it all, there's nothing I won't understand
I'll believe it all, I won't let go of your hand

Two birds of a feather
Say that they're always gonna stay together
But one's never going to let go of that wire
He says that he will, but he's just a liar

Two birds on a wire
One tries to fly away and the other
Watches him close from that wire
He says he wants to as well, but he is a liar

Two birds on a wire
Once tries to fly away and the other... 

-Regina Spektor

6.23.2009

Hello, I Love You


Hello, I Love You, originally uploaded by Nick Franklin.

This one is great too - I couldn't resist blogging it as well! Nick's play with tones and lighting is fantastic. The background was processed to fade behind to make my body pop forward, but otherwise this is pretty much untouched from the camera.

6.21.2009

Unhappy Girl


Unhappy Girl, originally uploaded by Nick Franklin.

^ Rock star photoshoot with Nick Franklin ^

Much more going on in my life than just posing, but in all sincerity it's too overwhelming to blog. Number one priority is directing a theatre program for under-privileged kids in Lincoln Village. The performances are Saturday and I need to focus on all the details until then. Caoi!

Browse Nick's Flickr page for more pics from this series - and see all his own fabulous photos.

5.29.2009

20 is ever so young

Birthday wish list:


One can dream when one is turning such a perfect age :)

Mood :: "Can't Help Falling in Love" by Bono

Litany

You are the bread and the knife,
The crystal goblet and the wine.

-Jacques Crickillon

5.18.2009

Honeymoon syndrome


My good friend and fellow nursing student April was married over the weekend in a beautiful church ceremony. She was absolutely the loveliest bride. Her fiance was my David's best friend all through school. David was one of the groomsmen and I did April's hair and makeup. Pew, what a stressful day...I became reserved and anxious until after the ceremony, mostly do to self-imposed perfectionism, and when that was completed I felt a wash of relief. The reception was a wonderful. And it all worked out nicely. And I was left feeling flatlined. (-_-) I don't want a wedding!

Hey, all the married folks could explain their experience with this...I've been fascinated by honeymoon syndrome since the end of my finals. This semester I experienced a great deal of stress and finals were miserable. I couldn't eat and barely slept from thinking about the exams each day. Then, the second whole day after they were completed I woke up feeling hollow, lost, and w e i r d. I pushed through the morning, but felt only like sitting and staring! Sitting and crying! Sitting and yelling! What is this??? Mom explained the phenomenom, and I immediately called a married friend to confirm the diagnosis. 
"You know what I'm talking about???" 
"Yep," she said. 
"And you experienced this???" 
"Yep. Including disorientation and stomach pain." 
"...........Oh geez I'm not having a wedding."

Quieter, less-stressful note! What I've discovered about blogs is how unique the threaded theme is in each one. Throughout each post the author is spinning out his spirit in a weekly, biweekly, or monthly record. When you look at the collection of posts over a period of time such as a year, you can visualize the thoughts processes and beliefs that grow into a pattern. 

This discovery encourages me to become more aware of my own thought processes - that, and because God is challenging me to examine them. Understanding the scripture to "keep each thought captive" is hard.  I've heard many people, Christian and non, say you cannot control thoughts, they just happen. I want to challenge that. I feel that we don't see ourselves as the master of our own minds because we don't try practice controlling them. Or even observing them. Does each person know their own logic patterns? Do you think of the same subjects every day? Do you think in a predictable manner? Are the processes mostly optimistic/pessimistic/melancholic?

Let's find out...

5.14.2009

Returning to me

I purchased two new piano books today, Clementi's Sonatinas Opus 36 and Debussy's Children's Corner. I am thrilled to focus on piano again, and these collections came with CDs that can help me self-teach. I need to regain my old skill and continue improving!

In the past three weeks, the breathing period between spring and summer semesters, I've had a glorious time of returning to what I love! Practicing the piano (almost) regularly, beginning and completing sewing projects, reading two entire books, babysitting, and voice recording. Theatre is still missing in my life, and I haven't had inspiration for writing recently, but these things come and go.

My brother Dane asked me to accompany him once again at his violin recital, and I feel so privileged! Dane is a wonderful instrumentalist, and we have much fun performing together.

Saturday is a friend's wedding, and tomorrow is a party at another friend's lakehouse! *woot* What an awesome week...

PS My black acid-trip-bunny shirt is missing!!!!! I vaguely remember loaning it out. If you were the loanie, please return ASAP because I really miss it. Thanks.

5.08.2009

To prevent explosion

When the allergies severely attack

I have to take off all my clothes and lie face down on my bed

Squint my eyes

And push through the convulsive sneezing

Til the Benadryl kicks in.

](>_<)[

5.03.2009

The Great Divorce

'No,' said the other. 'I can promise you none of these things. No sphere for usefulness: you are not needed there at all. No scope for you talents: only forgiveness for having perverted them. No atmosphere of inquiry, for I will bring you to the land not of questions but of answers, and you shall see the face of God.' 

-cs lewis

5.01.2009

Lately

My experiences with children consist of fun evenings filled with sugar cookies, Magic School Bus, trains, bubble baths, smurf hair, and late night cups of milk..........and always ending with "I WANT MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!"

*sigh* After six years of regular and weekly babysitting, it's beginning to wear on me. 

I conquered the first year of nursing school! *huzzah!* I worked hard, pushed through, and received all Bs! I aimed higher in grades, however nursing school is a different animal all together, and it almost ate me. Glad I won out. 

My hair is a brilliant red and hot pink, but you prolly know this. It's so freakin beautiful. Laurie Brandon of the Mod Squad was the hair artist. On Sunday, she and I collaborated with three of my closest photographer pals to design a shoot. Here's a few, hope you enjoy!







View the full set on www.flickr.com/photos/34594390@N07/

4.23.2009

Lately, it's been about finals

I am so pleased that our university ends school redunkulously early for the spring semester. Finals started today with Psychiatric Nursing. In nursing, for each class there is a final and a comprehensive HESI exam, which is standardized. So, more Psychiatric Nursing tomorrow with the HESI. The HESI scores are particularly important for grading your national ranking, and are reviewed at the end of next fall to establish a placement for spring preceptorship.  

Which brings me to another point....next Thursday I will be considered a senior. And not just any senior - a senior in the nursing program. A senior that after passing the NCLEX will be a licensed nurse professional.

(Er. Is it weird that I'll be a practicing nurse before I am of legal drinking age?

Yeah it's weird, and it's kinda awesome.)

What has surprised me while learning the profession of nursing is how the role is very multifaceted. There is no topic or client centered conversation that is taboo. We're expected to be the go-to person on any physiological and psychological concern the client may have, and to answer in an honest, therapeutic, straight-forward manner. If we don't have the answer, we find the answer. We comfort, console, listen to, challenge, enforce unit rules, minister to basic life needs and facilitate medical recovery. Up til now, I have studied fundamentals, assessment, health promotion, pharmacology, medical-surgical, and psychiatric nursing. I have experienced clinicals on the medsurg floor, nursing home, home care, oncology unit, and psychiatric unit. I can tell you about heart problems, medication complications, how to prevent superbugs, check O2 stats, resuscitation, SBAR reports, sexual dysfunction in males and females, fall safety, manic intervention, using a drug book, and how to have sex when paraplegic. (I know, I'm still scarred from that one.) 

Anyways. I did not want to do this, and I've been completely honest on that account. College was not what I wanted - a degree had no interest to me. When it became clear I had to attend, and was probably being immature about school, I picked nursing and that was final. Why did I pick nursing? I have no clue. Or, maybe just ideas...I wanted a challenge, I know that...I wanted variety...and the thought of being a nurse like my grandmother and best friend's mom was just cool. In the rough spots of my life and early college experience I clung to nursing school like a lifesaver, because with all the uncertainties, I could know I was going to graduate a nurse. I did not even care if I ever practiced. It simply became something I had to accomplish. Even though I still lie awake wondering why I'm doing this...during the day I can focus on pushing ahead and setting goals for future success.

And speaking of future success, I need to study. For the psych HESI. Which is early tomorrow morning.....

:)

4.22.2009

Goodwill lovin'

I've always been an avid thrift shopper since the days of toddlerhood. I'd wander the dirty yet organized aisles of plastic toys with my grandmother, and then the clothes section when I was older. Nothing makes me happier than a good find! Anything funky, vintage, designer, can't-pass-up-it's-too-awesome item is what I go for. Of course, I contribute as well with donating all my gently used items. Today, the southeast Goodwill made my year with it's awesome Target donations and a cute black dress, all in my size. Today, for $42, I acquired.......

-1 Express knee-length little black dress
-2 Target by Richard Chi dresses
-1 Isaac Mizrahi blue and white sundress
-1 strapless one piece swimsuit in sunshine yellow, 1 triangle bikini set in cyan green
-1 pair of gaudy silver heels by Siggerson Morsen for Target that are a perfect fit
-1 pair of black short-shorts Target by Richard Chi to pair with tights and above said heels

I'm glowing in victory.

<3

4.19.2009

Don't tell me I can't

It's borderless, this life we live!

The parameters we construct aren't divine, boxes weren't in the plan

There is the judgment of missing-the-mark
we shouldn't do that
So, there's no border, but there is a mark.
Okay, sin or don't sin

Fathom the borderless cosmos.
Fathom it being borderless in the hands of a God.

Whoa. 

We were not created to experience a box, or rules, or laws
We were created to glorify a borderless, uncontainable God
But we missed the mark.
He knew He had to give us a choice
or it wouldn't be free will -
it'd be a box
of slavery

Now, we make the choice every moment
as a redeemed child!
The freedom of living without borders...

Fathom God's divine plan.
Fathom the borderless life gained from living in it.

...whoa

4.17.2009

Launch!!!!

I'm officially a freelance makeup artist!

Today I completed my first set of bridal portraits. The makeup is MAC and Bobbi Brown with Bare Mineral foundation primer. The hair was set with curlers then arranged partially up with a beading of pearls sewed in with clear thread. The effect was stunning, especially in person. I was pleased with the result, but she is so beautiful how could I not be! Photography by John Crabtree on location at bride's home.





Here's my calling card...
A Pretty Face by Kait
Makeup and hair design for your special event!
Weddings, proms, photography sessions, complimentary trial run
Available in the North Alabama/Tennessee area, will travel
kaitlin.m.rich@gmail.com

4.13.2009

A fountain so deep, no one need thirst

Holly posted this video about Brian Welch. I'm truly at a loss for words... 

4.10.2009

So long... (alt title: live free and prosper)

About the time where America as a political nation is "transnationalizing" and tailoring policies for the greater majorities, I'm running freelance again. About the time where America, as an open melting pot, is serving the special interest lobbyers and corporation moguls, I'm quitting a national (and world-wide) business chain. Yes, I quit my job, but there are deeper things to worry about.

I reflect everyday on the steps that are taken as a nation, and fight the jaded attitude I maintain towards an increasingly corrupt government.  I find the smallest of examples as revealing as the largest issues... Last week our President bowed to a leader of a Muslim country, and the government released a statement to declare the the President indeed did not bow (because inside all fair-minded Americans we found this is a disgrace) but shook the hand of a shorter person... I'm flabbergasted at how deceitful the government officials think they can be, and what they think we'll believe... They lie so readily (and ineptly) about the most basic of matters, and I cannot imagine what they devise in closed quarters.

Um, side note: Why do we feel that bowing to a Muslim leader shameful? Because that country has made attacks verbally, politically, and militantly against America for generations. They hate us... Because the Koran tells them to, and they follow their radical faith. It's considered radical, because any faith that calls upon it's followers to shun and kill people of another faith is radical. We should not respect nor tolerate a country that, if ever given the chance, would crush people of an innocent nation in honor of Islamic faith. End side note.

There's been increasing talk about taxing without accountability. Check out the new and improved tea partiesThe Huffington Post and several other liberal news sources attempted to sound like this is strictly a right wing radicalism, and interviewed people with select opinions that supported that. Honestly, it doesn't matter what they think, or what they report. The movement is a fantastic uprising, an all-grass-roots movement that supports no political agenda or person... Merely the idea the taxation with representation (amazing how we come full circle, isn't it?) is wrong. Wrong morally - because an organization how no more right than a normal person has to take money from someone else - and politically - because this nation was the shining beacon of freedom in a power-hungry world, and is now driving full speed ahead into a socialistic agenda.

Ah, socialism. It's funny, I read so many books growing up on socialistic regimes, and was fascinated by the beliefs of Karl Marx and friends. I got their logic, it was simple enough - it seemed almost holy... Let's do the best we can with everyone and for everyone, because we, the smartest and savviest, should rule the lesser folk for their benefit. 

See, they never understood the simplest of truth's: people are bad. People are corruptible, and driven by selfish desires. And people in groups will force their selfish desire on others regardless of good intentions with far more ferocity than one person alone. Established rights can be considered optional when a corrupt group of people begin tailoring their agendas and actions for monetary gain... Rights are optional if they impede a nice fat tax increase. A government knows that the more "things" (programs/nice sounding refunds/beautiful health policies) they promise citizens, the more willing they are to be taxed - and the more willing they are to wait, like dogs, for their tax dollars to be fed back to them.

Um, another side not: It is never correct to infringe on a citizen's rights for the sake of serving another. Never. Never. 

Taxation is an odd exception, because of living in a country with necessary regulations, law, and law enforcement to maintain decency and equality of treatment. We live as citizens of this country, giving our money to the government on faith that it will be used to serve us. Basically, we should be giving money to help ourselves as a citizen and country - the government is charged with the responsibility to invest the money into those areas and this investment is to be visibly returned. Sadly, so sadly, this is becoming less and less true. America in it's infancy saw the effects of taxation without government accountability, benefit, or return. Today, accountability is gone, the benefit is for select groups, and the return of our invested tax dollars is slipping completely away... And that is why we're throwing tea parties all over again.

4.09.2009

Nude

Don't get any big ideas - they're not gonna happen

You paint yourself white and fill up with noise, but there'll be something missing

Now that you've found it, it's gone. Now that you feel it, you don't.
You've gone off the rails

So don't get any big ideas - they're not gonna happen

You'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking

-Radiohead

4.05.2009

A little water


, originally uploaded by kait.rich.

It was a casual study day at the Crabtrees...until John dragged me into a golf cart and off we ride to a hidden waterfall where faeries frolic and a green umbrella is the only prop you need...

4.02.2009

What I do ain't for babies

I'm a strong(ish) woman, I know this. My mother never tolerated silly timidity when I was young, and with three younger brothers to play with I grew into a wild, tom boy kind of girl. Albeit, I was in touch with my feminine side, but in a nontraditional way (I was prolly wearing a bright purple get-up when I caught and tamed a rat snake from my backyard). All this to say - I ain't no baby.

And throughout this semester of nursing school - the last of my junior year - I had been anticipating my OR rotation so. much. It was thrilling me on the inside, despite reports from friends saying the best they saw were a couple of hysterectomies performed closed with a scope. Ah well, I was still excited! Wednesday was my day and I was assigned to OR 12 NET with Dr D, a Nose, Ears and Throat specialist. Not too interesting, but worth the experience. The OR staff included a surgical tech, anesthesiologist, and OR nurse, and they were nice and explained the entire routine with me. They were Dr D's crew, accustomed to her particular ways and had earned a permanent position on her cases. 

The first patient had localized anesthesia and an antianxiety drug cocktail to undergo the removal of three sebaceous cysts from his ear. Um, yeah, not that exciting. I was watching, mildly interested and assisting when I could, feeling cool and competent. It was done, Dr D began cauterizing, and I --- passed out....

Jah. Apparently the smell of burning flesh is potent to the newbies like me. The next thing I was aware of was waking up on an un-used stretcher in the hall, with the OR nurse fanning me. First, a wave of shame washed over me, soon replaced with a wave of nausea. She toddled me down to the lounge room and left me in the care of three kindly and extremely attentive OR nurses. Their "it happens all the time"'s didn't cut the pain of knowing I crumbled on the job, yet I didn't refuse the cup of juice they thrust in my face. Fifteen minutes later, I asked one to take me to OR 12. She was surprised and told me to take it easy but I, like the strong woman I am, said "Lead on." When I entered the room, the three staff were setting up for the next patient, and they applauded when they saw I returned, green and determined.

THIS IS HOW I DO :D

I prepared myself mentally before the next patient was cauterized and...I didn't feel a thing. Whoa. I was so proud. I ain't no baby! So maybe the whole passing out thing was surprising to begin with, I wasn't expecting myself to do that (ever). But I've got a great story to pass down to all the younger kiddos in the nursing program, haha.

Yes, nursing school. I have such a strange relationship with you.

3.31.2009

Let's do this

This is decided.

I'M GOING TO BLOG

YES. Out of the muse has been my darling project since 7.31.2006. It presented to the vast interneties my thoughts and scribbles and poems, none of which was very coherent. I used it as a vehicle for anonymous expression and for following friends blogs, but now that I've gone public hopefully you'll be seeing more concrete narratives.

...or not.

^_^

Thank you for following! And please keep reading... kisses

3.23.2009

Renew our world.... be the difference

www.handsin.org

This was founded by fellow blogger and web-socialite Nicole and it promises to be an exciting springboard for many outreach opportunities! 

3.11.2009

God Send

A specific amount of intrisnic worth
is measured by the current authorities
for each individual,
blatant partiality toward the
weighty value of the masses
(but not the old, retarded, and unborn).
The sway of popularity
along with political opinion
global sexually transmitted diseases
and the amoral, and personal
choice to kill
wage in opposition to the
beautiful new life.
...The meticulously formed individual
dependent on life blood,
secluded in a room of pulsing peace,
swathed in a sheen of vibrant ruby
awainting its breathless entrance.
Precious and innocent...
Completely dependent 
on popular political opinion
global sexually transmitted diseases
and your ever-important
right to kill
a precious and innocent child.

8.30.2006

3.03.2009

2.18.2009

Client: #327

Diagnosis: right lung mass

DATA :

Assessment: Client did not demonstrate orientation or alertness but responded to direct questioning about pain by raising hand. Client in semi-fowlers position, eyes unfocused with left eyelid dropping, head arched back into pillow, mouth open, chest heaving, vesicular breath sounds, bloody sputum, crackles and wheels identified, neck veins extended, capillary refill +3, yellow concentrated urine output 25 ml, no bowel sounds noted, skin flushed, very warm, very dry with flaking, turgor loose, severe cachexia with visible skeleton and large darkened patches on both arms. Patent catheter line and morphine IV drip running. Client is DNR.

VS 93/59 151pulse 44resp 83 96axillary

Medications: Atrovent 0.02% NEB 0.5, Decadron 4mg/ml, Levaquin 500mg/100ml, Protonix 40mg, Proventil 2.5mg, Reglan 10mg, Ativan 0.5, Compazine 10mg, Morphine carpuject 1-2mg, Morphine 100mg, Zofran 8mg

PLAN : The client is a 55-year old white male with a right lung mass in end-stage cancer, MI in 2005, history of multiple illnesses. Daughter at beside. Comfort measures to be provided.

            Nursing Diagnosis: none

IMPLEMENTATION :

0720 IV Morphine drip dosage increased to maximum allowable per physician’s order

0830 Daughter left room to tell nurse that her dad the client had passed away. Declared dead by attending physician at 0840. Post mortem care provided, including removing all lines and cleaning body, arranged client for family viewing.

NAPG Photoshoot













Narcissism in it's unrepentant glory... :] I spent three hours Saturday at the Flying Monkey Art Center with the most talented amateur photographers in North Alabama. It was an incredible learning experience, many beautiful photos captured, and there was free pizza!

AHEN is the code

Anger grows from

Hurt which springs from shattered

Expectations which are founded in

Need.

and that's it, folks.

2.09.2009

Stratified

I am, er, (here)
And my mind is flying
elsewhere
So um, 
There's the me below
And the I above
Her heart in between a
Disconnect

2.08.2009

My Philosophy for Life

1) I believe that humans and everything around us was and is made to honor, praise, and glorify, and have a relationship with the one and only God.

2) I also believe that life is about having relationships and companions. For non-christians, there are two different types of relationships - one is friendship and the other is marriage. For Christians, there are three relationships - friendship, marriage, and the greatest of all our relationship with God.

3) Life is a never-give-up kind of thing. I believe that you can never give up if you want to succeed. If I wanted to play soccer but stopped playing after the third practice because I couldn't score a goal, would I ever learn to play? If I learned to give up every time I didn't succeed in the first few tries or when I'm challenged, I would be a failure the rest of my life.

-Dane, age 13
2.7.09

This is so precious to me. Dane has a sincerity that he always carries in his heart. It is so endearing to see the mixture of biblical truths and childhood earnestness, and I pray that both become an irrevocable whole of his character and of my other brother's as well. 

The blessings I have in my brothers and their Godly lives is immeasurable. The world cries out for leaders, for men that have the strength of truth in their hearts. There are few to be found; most men are fostering pluralism and tolerance as an acceptable, peaceful route to universal happiness. But all beliefs cannot show truth, and where there is no truth, there is no true happiness. I would rather see a man standing strong for one wrong "truth", than an army of peaceful men accepting all "truths". Schuyler, Dane, and Trent already know the rightness of one truth, and they follow it strongly and with understanding. 

1.31.2009

America's Suitehearts

You could have knocked me out with a feather.
I kn
ow you've heard this all before, but we're just Hell's neighbors.
Why, why, why won't the world revolve around me?
Build my dreams, trees grow all over the streets.

But I don't know much about classic cars,
But I've got a lot of friends stuck on classic coke.
Down, set, one,
Hut, hut, hike,
Media Blitz!

Lets hear it for America's Suitehearts!
But I must confess, I'm in love with my own sins.
Lets hear it for America's Suitehearts!
But I must confess,I'm in love with my own sins.

You can bow and pretend that you don't, don't know you're a legend.
Time, time, time hasn't told anyone else yet.
Let my love loose again.

But I don't know much about classic cars,
But I've got a lot of friends stuck on classic coke.
Down, set, one,
Hut, hut, hike,
Media Blitz!

You could have knocked me out with a feather
I know you've heard this all before

Lets hear it for America's Suitehearts!
But I must confess, I'm in love with my own sins.
Lets hear it for America's Suitehearts!
But I must confess, I'm in love with my own sins.

-FOB

1.23.2009

Average garbage

We take something from the ground
fresh and natural.
We modify -
carving smoldering 
pressing forcing stamping
Into the desired form.
Instructions: Use, discard.
We throw something back
which the earth can't accept.

1.15.2009

Of note

HEY YOU!!!!!!

MY name's Kait.... I kinda a big deal
...local celebrity, and all, right?...

I'm 19 years old and very confused (Life is confusing).
I love many different things.
I can spontaneously give a speech on anything (won many competitions!)
Singing is my favorite.
(Put me on stage, I get excited!)
But I also adore pictures...and I like modeling for them too.
Clothes is awesome. Clothes!

Somehow I got a little beauty and a little brains....and I don't do much with either.

'Cause I'm in school, you know, but just gliding by.
I hate being mediocre, unimpressive grades, so far I haven't tried enough
(I'm trying to fix that)

Nursing wasn't my desire, but it's good in it's on way
The way of people, caring, and a nice fat salary....

What I admire: genuineness, intelligence, chivalry, dedication, funness, spontaneity, surprises, conversation skills, cologne, good looks (I'm honest!), love, caring, talent, loves children.

What I loathe: averageness, sloth, vagueness, rudeness, driving too slow, unkempt appearance, long nose hairs (true story!), boring.

Smiling is my favorite, too. And when I hear someone laugh
I love joining in.
People's sadness affects me as well...
Other people's problems I can feel in my heart
along with their joy.

I hate being angry. Especially at someone I love.
I rarely am...yet when it happens I feel like a demon and nothing can reason.

The worst thing is how destructive I can be.
Ripping myself apart is mechanical and easy.
With all I love to create, and draw, and sing, and act, and model, and see beauty
I still can hurt. (there's no middle ground/neutrality)

I wish to be the best.
I desire more than I deserve, and fail grasping
Uncertainties are even more hellish

Yet
I love you
I love you very much.

I want you to have a wonderful life!
That's the most sincerest feeling I have
that I want you to have everything you dream.
And I won't stop that, ever.
And sometimes I wonder if I dreamed you up to start with, and just kept on dreaming
And sometimes reality is skewed

idk
idc

Sincerely,
yours truly

1.07.2009

Know

Running up to me in the kitchen, exclaiming
"See, this doesn't make sense! They ask me

'Is the Bible true?'

And the answer is 'Because it says it's true'
But if they don't believe the Bible at all
how will they ever believe it's right?"

I flashed him a smile, with a weak chuckle
"Yeah, funny how that works.
I don't know either. Guess it has to be divine.
The believing, I mean. Divine."

When logic fails, and a numbing culture
sets the ground for discounting all Christianity,
there's nothing left to argue.
I can be cynical, I apologize; I've struggled with this for years.
Praying and wishing for that golden breakthrough
with some of the closest of my acquaintances...
(ah, I cry myself to sleep.)

Be the example
Live the life
Get up when you fail
Rejoice when you succeed
Never be ashamed

"Live your life, Dane, with God's love growing in you.
Be a strong, Christian man."

1.03.2009

Potential and Restructure

2009
Goals 
:: learn the rudimentary basics of American Sign Language
:: budget finances consistently
:: research, write, edit, and publish the apology article that's been in forming in my head and heart 

Aspirations 
:: travel...somewhere wonderful, full of history and arts...and take a plane to get there
:: land a professional modeling or acting job
:: dedicate myself more thoroughly to the studies at hand
:: to strive for more emotional stability
:: to live everyday, fully in that moment

12.29.2008

Hey-o it's over, and about to begin

Fall 2008
College:Nursing
Major:Junior Division Nursing
Student Type:Continuing
Academic Standing:Good Standing
Additional Standing:Scholar
SubjectCourseLevelTitleGradeCredit HoursQuality PointsR
NUR302UGNURSING & HEALTH PROMOTIONB

3.000

9.000

  
NUR303UGHEALTH ASSESSMENTB

3.000

9.000

  
NUR304UGAPP PATHOPHYSIOLOGY LIFESPANB

3.000

9.000

  
NUR310UGPROFESSIONAL PRACTICE NURS IB+

6.000

18.000

  
 Attempt HoursPassed HoursEarned HoursGPA HoursQuality PointsGPA
Current Term:

15.000

15.000

15.000

15.000

45.000

3.000

Cumulative:

40.000

40.000

40.000

40.000

130.000

3.250

 
TRANSCRIPT TOTALS (UNDERGRADUATE)     
 Attempt HoursPassed HoursEarned HoursGPA HoursQuality PointsGPA
Total Institution:

40.000

40.000

40.000

40.000

130.000

3.250

Total Transfer:

0.000

0.000

41.000

0.000

0.000

0.000

Overall:

40.000

40.000

81.000

40.000

130.000

3.250

12.25.2008

The tidings of the season to you!


Merry Christmas!

Emmanuel, Emmanuel,
in the grime of a stable,
under the brilliance of a star,
you came.
One day all the universe
will acknowledge your Love
which is boundless
and enduring
and dwelling forever,
Amen.

12.21.2008

chronicling a lovely c h r i s t m a s









Photos by Tyler Pierce 
(excepting 7 and 8)

12.13.2008

holiday spirits!

foods ::
cocktail weenies
spinach spankies
candied nuts
celery sticks with pimento cheese
celery sticks with garlic cream cheese
veggie tray with homemade low-fat dip
2-layer yellow cake with buttercream frosting
Mullin spiced apple cider
Perrier sparkling water with raspberries
Swiss Miss hot chocolate

grocery list ::
3 liter bottles of Perrier (7)
2 gallons of apple cider (5)
2 packages of Mullin Spices (4)
jar of pimentos (2)
pack of celery (3)
pack of sugar snap peas (4)
3 bell peppers (5)
once lemon (1)
package of frozen raspberries (4)
cream cheese (2)
shredded cheddar cheese (4)
ice

....equals joyous times :]

Let's play here and now

I could hate him for making me question
I could hate him for imposing his own dream
-remind me again, why must I conform mine
(because it is not so crisply defined in years and situations?)
I could hate him for his increasing urgency and my lowered resistance.

No I'm sorry I don't have my life figured out.
There's no aligned dominos in a knock-down trail
There's no aces in their spaces
There is no symmetry.

This is what I am.
This is what I'm developing from
a young girl riddled with fear of the future

Yes I'm trying.
Let's just say I'm attempting with all my might.

A glorious warmth in his arms and kiss, apart it's all submerged

11.25.2008

Today/tomorrow/sincerely I thank God for...

showers
myself?
music
giving shots
writing, blogger
pretty colors of thread
internet
slushies
Schuy, D, and Louie
paintings, photography
His strength carrying me through
beautifulness
piano
singing uninhibited
joyous holidays
my bedroom, bathroom
naptimes
family
best friend/boyfriend
ability to learn
my job and subsequent paycheck
ghetto mobile
smiling

11.24.2008

Survive and prosper

Advair 500/50mcg, one puff twice daily

314.99 (60.24 w/ insurance)

 

Maxair Autohaler 400 puffs total, two puffs four times daily, fifteen minutes prior to exercise and PRN

177.99 (23.64 w/ insurance)


Ocella tablet, one daily

173.89 (35.84 w/ insurance)

 

Prednisone 20mg tablets, one tablet three times daily for twenty days

11.99 (0.65 w/ insurance)

 

SMZ/TMP tablets, one daily

32.89 (2.34 2/ insurance)

11.17.2008

I'll write you a poem, dripping

You're the peanut to my butter
-You're the cheese to my macaroni

You're the chocolate to my strawberry
-You're the ranch to my chicken

You're the popcorn to my favorite movie
-You're the soda to my burger and fries

You're the bright sunshine when I wake up
-You're the blanket I could cuddle with

You're the reason for my random smile
-You're the music in my ears

You are the beat to my heart
-You are the love of my life

You're the only thing I want or need in this world

11.16.2008

To whom it may concern

MyMy parents began home schooling me at age seven, and I remained home schooled until my graduation at age 16.  Throughout my education, my parents always emphasized the primary importance of learning and understanding, not just rote memorizing. They instilled in me the desire to comprehend new material so I can better utilize it later in life. I enrolled in Calhoun Community College’s dual enrollment program my senior year so I could complete my high school course requirements and also receive college credit. I loved the college experience and enjoyed all my classes.

I have many varied interests which include, but are not limited to, USTA tennis, local community theatre, TeenPact for Alabama, Alabama Music Teacher's Association statewide piano competitions, YMCA exercise classes, Huntsville Times Teen Page, sewing societies, dance instruction, and Kingdom Life Fellowship Church. I have volunteered extendedly at Constitution Village, Fantasy Playhouse, Lincoln Village ministries and on governmental campaigns.  I know these hobbies and pursuits will benefit me in my academic major and in pursuing a well-rounded outlook on life.

In May of 2006 I graduated high school from Excalibur Christian Home School Group with a high school GPA of 4.0 and a college dual enrollment GPA of 3.5 and 18 college credit hours. I was accepted as a member of Phi Theta Kappa and the Dean's List.  I received Redstone Arsenal's Calhoun Community College $2000 scholarship and continued my education at Calhoun until Spring 2007. I transferred Fall 2007 to University of Alabama at Huntsville. Now I have completed 84 academic hours and maintain a GPA of 3.4.

My declared field of study is Nursing, with the possibility of continuing education in graduate studies. Since I was young, I wished to enter a vocation where I may communicate with people and assist them all I can. Nursing is a field I feel called into as a career and way of life, and working on a pediatric floor is my first career goal. Receiving a scholarship can set that goal within reach through financial assistance.  In the following two years I will strive to receive a Bachelor of Science in Nursing from the UAH Nursing Department. 

Thank you for your consideration!

Shine

Who cares what we’ve earned?

Somebody’s sold all the truth that you’ve yearned.

Remember when we used to shine?

And had no fear of sense or time.

When it creeps up on you

 

You can’t cry when there’s nothing to feel

No one’s noticed our loneliness

Remember when we used to tease

And made us scream eternal joy

 

I believed that you’d always be here

‘Cause once you promised a life with no fear

Please don’t break my ideals

And say what’s fake was always real

 

I was the one and only

Take me back again


-Muse

11.09.2008

Fall in your lap

spring/grasp/tilt/h o l d  o n.

This is it?

I thought... well

Not this

But how can I ask for more?

11.03.2008

A short observation on healthcare and tomorrow

When deciding to vote for a candidate, there are numerous topics to research. Most Americans scrutinize the topics they consider personally important, or that would significantly influence their culture, lifestyle and habits. When I approached the candidates from a health care perspective, it became very confusing. This topic directly affects my future career as a nurse. Health care problems are being addressed through several different policies, according to each candidate’s position. Yet since I agree with a couple of policies from each candidate, it was necessary to sort through which policies I consider important and effective for the problems.

Health care for everyone is fundamental in my worldview. I desire for all people of all ages to have access to healthcare. McCain specifically states that every American deserves healthcare, including alternate treatment settings and cost-effective measures. Obama stresses healthcare for the underprivileged and children, requiring mandatory health insurance for minors in particular.

Regulation of healthcare safety is also a concern. Obama emphasizes hospital responsibility with compulsory federal regulations, including RN/patient ratios. McCain emphasizes consumer knowledge on treatment options and outcomes, and providing Medicare payments for diagnostic visits and disease prevention measures.

Healthcare would only be effective if it were affordable. Obama revealed a detailed plan for affordable healthcare that incorporated national public health insurance with income-related subsidies called the National Health Insurance Exchange. Also, he desires to expand Medicaid, and would require employers to offer an insurance program to all employees. McCain addressed the issue through a Guaranteed Access Model that is state-based, with financial assistance for lower-income peoples and premium-limitations on insurance companies. McCain’s approach to employer insurance is to drop favorable tax treatment of businesses, and instead provide a tax refund to individuals and families for private insurance coverage.

In considering healthcare professionals education, Obama supports loan-repayments, reimbursements, training grants, and $4000/yearly tuition credit for all student nurses. Although tuition credit would be a great assistance to student nurses, I consider it an inequitable neglect towards other students who are pursuing engineering, biology, chemistry, and other fields that contribute directly to healthcare in our nation.

When deciding which candidate’s policies would be best for nursing only, Barack Obama demonstrates the most supportive policies for the nursing profession. However, the majority of his healthcare strategy incorporates a national infrastructure that requires enormous government funding. Obama does not address how this funding will be obtained, presumably from increased federal taxes.

When considering the candidates’ political policies regarding general healthcare, I am supportive of McCain’s course of actions. Limiting insurance premiums, emphasizing prevention of disease through testing and education, providing state insurance plans, and a tax refund for private insurance coverage are the strategies I wish to see implemented. These would allow for freedom of individual responsibility with support for the underprivileged, without the formation of a national healthcare insurance set up.


References:

American Nurse’s Association (2008, August 18). Documents. ANA Policy and 2008

Presidential Candidates Obama & McCain. Retrieved http://nursingworld.org/MainMenuCategories/ANAPoliticalPower/Election2008/2008Presidential/PresEndorseProcess/ANAPolicyand2008PresidentialCandidates.aspx

 

McCain, John (2008, October 12). Healthcare. Straight Talk on
Health System Reform. Retrieved

http://www.johnmccain.com/content/default.aspx?guid=8475c713-a541-4b97-a2aa-800e35da37bb

 

Obama, Barack (2008, October 12). Healthcare. Obama-Biden Health Care Plan.

Retrieved http://www.barackobama.com/pdf/issues/HealthCareFullPlan.pdf

 

-K R

11.02.2008

Remove the scales from our eyes

God, put an end to evil; avenging God, show your colors! Judge of the earth, take your stand; throw the book at the arrogant. 

God, the wicked get away with murder—how long will you let this go on? They brag and boast and crow about their crimes! 

They walk all over your people, God, exploit and abuse your precious people. They take out anyone who gets in their way; if they can't use them, they kill them. They think, "God isn't looking, Jacob's God is out to lunch." 

Well, think again, you idiots, fools—how long before you get smart? Do you think Ear-Maker doesn't hear, Eye-Shaper doesn't see? Do you think the trainer of nations doesn't correct, the teacher of Adam doesn't know? God knows, all right--knows your stupidity, sees your shallowness. 

How blessed the man you train, God, the woman you instruct in your Word, Providing a circle of quiet within the clamor of evil, while a jail is being built for the wicked. God will never walk away from his people, never desert his precious people. Rest assured that justice is on its way and every good heart put right. 

Who stood up for me against the wicked? Who took my side against evil workers? If God hadn't been there for me, I never would have made it. The minute I said, "I'm slipping, I'm falling," your love, God, took hold and held me fast. When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up. 

Can Misrule have anything in common with you? Can Troublemaker pretend to be on your side? They ganged up on good people, plotted behind the backs of the innocent. But God became my hideout, God was my high mountain retreat, then boomeranged their evil back on them: for their evil ways he wiped them out, our God cleaned them out for good.

-Psalm 94

10.30.2008

I'm going to try

Thrown in the middle of

not terror, really

if there is a feeling worse it's apathy

when you can't pursue what you desire
you fill the void with "rightness"
that logic will prod you in
that voices of reason will praise
they confirm the emptiness, no doubt

Thrown in the middle of

not attachment, really

if there's a feeling worse it's complacency

when you scream at night from indecision
you rage against walls with questions
that would be answered if
that could be explained it
you dropped the chains of reality, no doubt

There's nothing but a sad shallow goal

There's nothing to embrace at night

There's nothing I desire

And I dare to include my love in this
And I dare beg for his understanding
And I continue through the straight and narrow
As slowly like a mist at twilight
I lose my beautiful deadly rabbit hole
dream

10.23.2008

Hideaway

Take the sky for example
A canvas of a billion suns
But our local hero shines them out by day
Safe for the winking of a Venus or Mars

Even the stars
Sometimes fade to gray
Even the stars
Hideaway

I see the bare moon raise it's big bald head
I see my friends play the fool
I'll make my own way in the wide world
Just know I don't want to wander too far

Even the stars
Sometimes fade to gray
Even the stars
Hideaway

Some call me all kinds of names
Some say I don't play the right kind of game
I try to be honest, I try to be kind
And honestly leave when I know that it's time
I know that it's time

Hear a phoebe sing his only song
The summer's day is hovering
I'll write my full heart troubles while I can burst
Out the windows of our traveling car

Even the stars
Sometimes fade.....

-The Weepies

10.15.2008

a futuristic list containing a ray of motherly aspiration

Alexander
Alli
Ari
Beatrix
Demi
Ella
Elisha
Emily
Frances
James
Jaden
Jem
Jewel
Jules
Julia
Katherine
Katrina
Keaton
Killian
Ives
Lane
Liam
Leigh
Louis
Mary
Rea
Rin
Sara
Schuyler
Sean
William

10.02.2008

Trusted

It was a gift
and I held it in my hands
regulated with a pulse of exposed emotions
it was firm
but pliable underneath my influence
perhaps a word, a tone, a glance could make it cease -
- so great was the responsibility
- greater than I wish to admit

It was a gift
and I locked it up, tight
trying maybe saving it from the murder I could....commit

maybe

One day, a recall
One day you'll take back(heart)
A swift searing pain
A recoil of raw emotions

and I'll realise with a wry stretched smile
what happens when your love kills
and though it was a gift I'll return it
and I will know it(heart) like my own(heart)
because so long it had been mine(heart)
and it'll still be regulated with the pulse of denied emotions

And you will blame me.

The blame:
It's termination
It's wretched hurt
It's pallid beat -
damn it 
It's blood should never
It's blood could never
Be on my hands

- because it was a gift.

11.1.2006

9.14.2008

Diagnostic Puppy Love

Is this temporary
Is this obsession
Is this rediculous
Is this lust
Is this running heedless
Is this insane
Is this far too soon
Is this much too deep
Is this rebellion
Is this adoration
Is this perfect
Is this blindly flawed
Is this real
Is this right
Is this

Love [one year and seven months flying blind toward the sun]

2.14.2007

8.25.2008

Please read

Growing up on a healthy diet of faeries, stories, Arthurian legends, Shakespeare, greek gods, and true romance in its purest sense, I like to hear commentary by fellow fairy-tale lovers. I particularly enjoy this post by Aine.

http://recoveringhelen.blogspot.com/2008/08/real-fairy-tales-vs-4-tenet-romantic.html

8.14.2008

If you do, if you don't

Let’s get out, let’s get out of here.
I’ll go at it alone if I have to, but I need you there.
I’m honest with nobody else -
Whether or not I make it there is will itself.
And I’m honest with only myself -
I can’t afford to lose you now, not in this hell.
But I’ll stay with you!

I’m a mess and so a wreck, a poor excuse without you near to keep me in check.
So take me out, and take me anywhere!
I’m out of touch with everything and I don’t care.
So I must be out of my mind.
The offer I have to give to you is all my time, so I’ll stay with you.

We sing over and over
....And baby I'm a waste of time

-Cartel

8.04.2008

Build god

It's these substandard motels on the (lalalalala) corner of 4th and Fremont Street.
Appealing only because they are just that un-appealing
Any practiced catholic would cross themselves upon entering.
The rooms have a hint of asbestos and maybe just a dash of formaldehyde,
And the habit of decomposing right before your very (lalalala) eyes.

Along with the people inside
What a wonderful caricature of intimacy
Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy

Tonight tenants range from: a lawyer and a virgin
Accessorizing with a rosary tucked inside her lingerie
She's getting a job at the firm come Monday.
The Mrs. will stay with the cheating attorney
Moonlighting aside, she really needs his money.
Oh, wonderful caricature of intimacy.

Yeah

And not to mention, the constable, and his proposition, for that "virgin"
Yes, the one the lawyer met with on "strictly business"
As he said to the Mrs. Well, only hours before,
After he had left, she was fixing her face in a compact.
There was a terrible crash between her and the badge
She spilled her purse and her bag, and held a "purse" of a different kind.

Along with the people inside
What a wonderful caricature of intimacy
Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy

There are no raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses.
It's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses
At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains
And a few more of your least favorite things.

What a wonderful caricature of intimacy

7.22.2008

Summer playlists

Only Human:
Jason Mraz-We Sing We Dance We Steal Things.
Jack Johnson-In Between Dreams
John Mayer-Continuum
Norah Jones-Come Away With Me, Feels Like Home
KT Tunstall-Eye to the Telescope, Drastic Fantastic
Paul McCartney-Chaos and Creation, Memory Almost Full

Untitled:
Panic at the Disco-Pretty.Odd.
Portal-Still Alive (single)
Juno-Original Soundtrack
Moulin Rouge-Original Soundtrack

Slow Beauty:
Rufus Wainwright-Poses, Want One, Want Two
Sarah McLachlan-Afterglow, Fumbling Towards Ecstacy, Surfacing
Fiona Apple-Extraordinary Machine, Tidal
Fine Frenzy-One Cell in the Sea
Aqualung-Strange and Beautiful, Memory Man

Beyond the Neighborhood:
The Shins-Chutes Too Narrow, Oh Inverted World, Wincing the Night Away
Snow Patrol-Eyes Open, Final Straw
Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin-Pershing
Athlete-Beyond the Neighborhood, Tourist, Vehicles and Animals

Back Then Right Now:
Queen-Greatest Hits
Van Morrison-Brown Eyed Girl (single)
George Thorogood-Who Do You Love (single), Bad to the Bone (single)
Creedance Clearwater Revival-Have You Ever Seen the Rain (single),
Down on the Corner (single), Up Around the Bend (single),
Susie Q (single)
Don McLean-American Pie (single)
Rolling Stones-Paint It Black (single)
ABBA-Greatest Hits

More than Music:
Danny Elfman-Sernada Schizophrana
Pan's Labyrinth-Original Soundtrack
Fellowship of the Ring/Return of the King-Original Soundtrack
The Secret Garden-Original Soundtrack

7.21.2008

There's the line you must draw, the line you must cross

With a deep breath and a prayer
take a plunge / no shifting doubt and drowning fear.
If I reveal myself to you, would you be gentle?
I'm new to this, and I'm treading tentively on unwashed sand.
There's always potential abandonment / crash and burn.
Yet here I stand.

So this is what it feels like and why the poets die.

I could kill for something like this.

"How long could it last?"
"What will you teach me?"
"Where will we go?"
"Do I trust you?"

Yes.

(I used to be afraid of losing my heart.
Now I'm only afraid of losing you.)

12.4.06

7.08.2008

Bold as Love

Anger, he smiles towering in shiny metallic purple armor
Queen Jealousy, envy waits behind him, her fiery green gown sneers at the grassy ground
Blue are the life-going waters taken for granted, they quietly understand.
The once happy turquoise armies lay opposite ready
But wonder why the fight is on.

But they're all bold as love
Yeah, they're all bold as love
They're all bold as love
Just ask the axis

My red is so confident that he flashes trophies of war and ribbons of euphoria
Orange is young, full of daring but very unsteady for the first go around
My yellow in this case is not so mellow, in fact I'm trying to say it's frightened like me
And all these emotions of mine keep holding me from
Giving my life to a rainbow like you

I'm bold, bold as love
Just ask the axis
Yeah he knows, he knows everything
I'm bold, bold as love

-John Mayer

6.30.2008

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

happiness
relief
excitement
contentment
love

joyness!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6.25.2008

lonely

doesn't deserve to be capitalized

it hurts

6.17.2008

undefined, lost, give up?

Origin > Greek, "Katheros", meaning pure

Defining characteristics > unpredictability, joy, empathy

Loves > writing, music, Jesus, the boys, mom and dad, melodies, lyrics, modeling, photos, sewing, Gammy, Granny, Grandmamma, PawPaw, designing, caring, loving, touching, David, manga, poetry, antiques, vintage, details, patterns, nature, creating, freedom, schedules, organization, chaos, the infinite, friends, sponteneaity, posing, windows, bubble baths, change, kissing, trips downtown, parks, life, art, great heights, driving, money, beauty, giving, volunteering, children, noise, personalities, learning, running away, exercise, yoga, traveling, clothes, movement, loving, thinking, performing, security, mercy.



Now what?

6.10.2008

Cigarettes and chocolate milk
these are just a couple of my cravings.
Everything it seems I like's a little bit stronger, a little bit thicker
a little bit harmful for me.

If I should buy jellybeans, have to eat them all in just one sitting.
Everything it seems I like's a little bit sweeter, a little bit fatter
a little bit harmful for me.

And then there's those other things, which for several reasons we won't mention.
Everything about them is a little bit stranger, a little bit harder
a little bit deadly.

It isn't very smart. . .
Tends to make one part so broken-hearted

Sitting here remembering me.
Always been a shoe made for the city.
Go ahead, accuse me of just singing about places
with scrappy boys faces have general run of the town.

Playing with prodigal songs takes a lot of sentimental valiums
Can't expect the world to be your raggedy andy
While running on empty, you little old doll with a frown.

You got to keep in the game, maintaining mystique while facing forward.
I suggest a reading of 'a lesson in tightropes' or 'surfing your high hopes'
or 'adios kansas'.

It isn't very smart. . .
Tends to make one part so broken-hearted.

Still there's not a show on my back, holes or a friendly intervention.
I'm just a little bit heiress, a little bit irish a little bit tower of pisa whenever I see you.
So please be kind if I'm a mess!
. . . Cigarettes and chocolate milk

Don't ever change, don't ever worry because I'm coming back home tomorrow.
To 14th Street where I won't hurry
Where I'll learn how to save not just borrow and they'll be rainbows and we will finally know.

Why'd you have to break all my heart - Couldn't you have saved a little bit of it?
Why'd you have to break all my heart - Couldn't you have saved a minor part?

-Rufus Wainwright

6.05.2008

You could do better

When I was young lying in the grass. I felt so safe in a warming bath
of sunlight, of sunlight.
Vast open sky could do no harm, like an embrace the lover's arms.
In sunlight, in sunlight.

With every year that came to pass.
More clouds appeared, the sky went black.
And there was no sunlight, no sunlight.
Anymore...

It disappeared with the same speed.
With idealistic timing the optimist died inside of me.

No sunlight, no sunlight.

It disappeared with the same speed.
With idealistic timing the optimist died inside of me.

Your kept in an open cage so your free to leave or stay.
Sometimes you get confused.
There's a hint that I'm trying to give you.

The longer you think the less you know what to do.

It's hard to see your way out when you live in a fallacy house.
You don't realize that the windows were open the whole time.

We're starting to feel
We stayed together out of fear
Of dying alone
I've been slipping through the years
My old clothes don't fit like they once did
So they hang like ghosts
Of the people I've been

It's like my heart can't take
My fall in love every day
And I feel like a fool

I have to face the truth
That no one could ever look at me like you do
Like I'm something worth holding on to

These times I think of leaving
But it's something I'll never do

'Cause you can do better than me
But I can't do better than you

-Death Cab for Cutie

5.12.2008

Current pursuits

Guidance in a seance

Elaborate on the increasing territorial aggression in contemporary rap lyrics

Research the correlation between the rising percentage of Autism diagnosis in America and mandatory vaccinations for toddlers and adolescents

Blowing one bubble-gum bubble inside another

Deny every step I take/every step I hate but still take

Record the fees, the fees, the other fees - I don't even want to be here!

3 dresses, 1 tank top, pair of flip-flops, 1 skirt, 2 bras, 3 panties, more make-up, 3 prescriptions filled
=W A S T E D money=

Dang amaretto sours are amazing, though

5.10.2008

Student Information


Current Program
Bachelor of Science in Nursing
Level: Undergraduate
Program: BSN in Nursing
Admit Term: Fall 2007
Admit Type: Transfer
Catalog Term: Fall 2007
College: Nursing
Major and Department: Lower Division Nursing, Nursing
Academic Standing: Good Standing

Undergraduate Course work
CRN Subject Course Section Course Title Campus Final Grade GPA Hours
11559 BYS 314 01 ANATOMY & PHYSIOLOGY II Main B+

4.000


10833 NUR 306 02 ETHICAL/LEGAL ASPECTS HLTH CAR Main B+

3.000


11677 NUR 450 01 ISSUES IN TRANSPLANTATION Main A

3.000


10689 PHL 202 03 INTRODUCTION TO ETHICS Main A-

3.000



Undergraduate Summary

Attempted Earned GPA Hours Quality Points GPA
Current Term:

13.000

13.000

13.000

45.000

3.462

Cumulative:

25.000

25.000

25.000

85.000

3.400

Transfer:

0.000

38.000

0.000

0.000

0.000

Overall:

25.000

63.000

25.000

85.000

3.400

5.09.2008

Starlight

Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories of the people who care if I live or die

Starlight
I will be chasing a starlight until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms

My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to re-ignite all the souls that would die just to feel alive

I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories of the people who care if I live or die

I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms

I just wanted to hold

-Muse

5.04.2008

Exploration of Diabetic Peripheral Neuropathy:

Peripheral neuropathy (PN) involves a disruption of the action potential transmission in peripheral nerves, either through the deterioration of the axon, axonopathy, or the deterioration of the myelin sheath, myelinopathy. This causes tingling sensations, numbing, temperature disparity or pain in the digits and limbs of the patient. The first form of genetic PN includes genetic code mutations, and the second form of PN is acquired by chemicals, toxins, nutritional deficiency, and tumors. Although many acquired causes can be identified for PN, diabetes mellitus is the most frequently diagnosed (Daousi et al 2006). “Peripheral Neuropathy can be the result of genetics, chronic disease, environmental toxins, alcoholism, nutritional deficiencies, or side effects of certain medications. Among chronic diseases, diabetes mellitus is the most common cause of PN” (Head, 2006). The focus of this paper is to explore axonopathy and myelinopathy within the context of acquired diabetic peripheral neuropathy, which, according to Koopman et al 2006, represents “a serious public health concern.”

Nervous tissues consist of highly-specialized cells that conduct action potentials to and from the central and peripheral nervous systems. A neuron is the basic cell of the system and it is composed of a neural cell body that extends into an axon. This axon is swathed in a myelin material from Schwann cell membranes that facilitate the conduction of an action potential. “During the wrapping process, the cytoplasm is squeezed from between the adjacent layers of Schwann cell membranes, so that when the process is completed a tight coil of plasma membrane material (protein-lipoid material) encompasses the axon” (Marieb and Mitchell, 2007). This axon and myelin have an exact composition and overall proportion for optimum conductivity, “maximum insulating ability, and maximum protection. Myelin is composed mainly of lipid, but also contains a number of myelin-specific structural proteins” (van Gemert & Killeen, 1997). Due to the specifications of the axon and myelin, neuropathy can result from any chemical, tumor, nutritional deficiency, or toxic tampering.

Acquired PN develops during a continuous or intermittent exposure to a damaging substance or nutritional deficiency through vasoconstriction. A damaging substance such as a radical or toxin can attack the axon first and myelin secondary, causing axonopathy, or attack the myelin alone, causing myelinopathy. Axonopathy and myelinopathy are distinguished by the specific effects of the attacking substance, or by the specific effects of a hindrance on the neuron’s health. A tumor growth can cause nutritional and vascular deficiency in axonopathy and myelinopathy, which stymies the neuron’s ability for action potential conduction.

Axonopathy and myelinopathy are jointly involved in diabetic neuropathy. Both disorders inhibit the proper conduction of an action potential leading to neuropathic symptoms, and the effects are acute. Symptoms are pain, numbness, loss of temperature differentiation, loss of reflex, loss of balance, inflammation, erectile dysfunction, and inability to distinguish small objects by touch are commonly exhibited. These issues, especially the pain, greatly affect the patient’s quality of life. Seventy-five percent of diabetic patients report moderate to severe pain as a primary symptom of diabetic neuropathies, according to Cocito et al 2006.

In diabetic axonopathy, demyelination is a secondary event to the destruction of the axon. “Axonal degeneration is the primary event, and this eventually results in fiber loss with the attendant removal of the myelin sheath” (Spencer and Shaumburg, 1978). The axon destruction is caused by vasoconstriction, and soon neuronal hypoxia and ischemia develops. Also, osmotic stress caused by free-floating polyls and metabolic toxins develops around the axon during the diabetic hyperglycemic state.

Diabetic myelinopathy affects a broad spectrum of distal nerves at a time, demonstrating that “primary demyelination would be scattered. . . not limited to any one nerve fiber.” (Spencer and Shaumburg, 1978). There are two basic types of primary demeylinators that cause myelinopathy. “Some demyelinating chemicals seem to leave intact the myelinating cells (Schwann cells), while others damage the myelinating cells as well as the myelin. The significance between the two is that with the myelinating cells still intact, repair of the myelin sheath is possible. “Regeneration of the myelin layers can occur, and in some cases occurs at the same time other axons are undergoing toxic demyelination” (van Gemert & Killeen, 1997).

Regeneration of axons and myelin sheath relies on length of exposure, what factors were attacked to cause the neuropathy, and the “trophic support” that remains intact. “Trophic support in a general sense encompasses any proteins or group of proteins that could influence the survival of the axon” (Madison, Robinson and Chadaram, 2007). Proteins include growth factors such as neurotrophin-3, glia-derived neurotrophic factor, and fibroblast growth factors. “Recent studies have shown the development of oligondendrocytes and the synthesis of myelin are extensively controlled by growth factors” (van Gemert & Killeen, 1997). Research involving growth protein supplementing in diabetic patients that could improve the regeneration of deteriorated or un-functional neurons.

Diabetes mellenitus affects 20.8 million, or 7%, of children and adults in the United States, with an estimation of 6.2 million people living undiagnosed, according to the American Diabetes Association. The statistics cited for the proportion of diabetic patients with peripheral neuropathy range from 21% to 63.9%, compared to 10% in patients without diabetes (Koopman et al 2006; Janghorbani et al 2006; Head, 2006). Since diabetes is incurable, and since the symptoms directly deteriorate peripheral nerves, these statistics are alarming. Factors that affect neuropathic regression include diabetic duration, age, body mass index, metabolic control, hemodynamic vascularation factors, oxidative stress, and duration of hypertension.

According to Jarmuzewska et al 2006, hypertension serves as the primary inducer of diabetic neuropathy, and diabetes duration and metabolic imbalance are involved in its progression. According to Sawant et al 2007, oxidative stress on neurons by free-radical formation and a defect in antidioxidant defenses will induce also neuropathy. “An imbalance between the generation and savaging of these free radicals leads to ‘oxidative stress’, which may be associated. . . with nerve damage leading to diabetic neuropathy” (Sawant et al 2007). The accumulation of glucose and glycosylated proteins can produce damaging toxins which generate up to 50 times the nerve-damaging free radicals. “Not only are nerve cells more likely to be destroyed in a hyperglycemic environment, but repair mechanisms are also defective” (Head, 2007).

Diabetic control is paramount in maintaining nerve function and staving off extensive peripheral neuropathy. Glucose-level management through insulin therapy and hypertension reduction through anti-depressant therapy are two primary methods. Maintaining both these factors in a diabetic patient should be accompanied with a nutritious diet to improve the immune-system’s ability to irradiate free-radicals, states Jarmuzewska et al 2006. Metabolic control is stressed by Janghorbani et al 2006 as a necessity for PN prevention by not allowing the hyperglycemic environment to thrive. In regards to the patient’s quality of life, Dousi et al 2006 maintains that the pain in diabetic PN remains under-treated due to the reluctance of medical staff to prescribe the appropriate strength of pain-killers for the patient’s relief.

In chronic diabetic neuropathy, symptoms improved over five years of therapies and diabetes-controlling medicine in 23% of diabetic patients (Daousi et al 2006). Diabetic patients with PN are treated with a variety of antidepressants, anticonvulsants, antiarrhythmics, opioid and non-opioid analgesics, and aldose reductase inhibitors to preempt the many symptoms of PN. Cocito et al 2006 maintained that pain was the primary symptom that lowered the patient’s quality of life, and recommended that appropriate pain-killers should be administered. The quality of life increased overall when diabetic patients complied with rigorous glucose-control and a strict diet that fostered the immune-system’s ability to eradicate free radicals and damaging substances while improving neural vascularation.

PN proves to be a complex medical issue, primarily due to the myriad of ways the neural tissue can be damaged, particularly by diabetes mellitus. Simplistically stated, the neuron with its action potential pathway in the peripheral nervous system can be effortlessly destroyed in the glucose-saturated and immune-deficient diabetic host – what remains undetermined are the precise causative factors and the interplay between each other and the neuron. Regeneration of the neuron and reacquisition of neural function after deterioration is a delicate process that can occur only if the myelinating cells and trophic support remain intact. The quality of life for diabetic patients can be promoted through a stringent medical and dietary regimen that manages glucose levels and through minimizing the PN symptoms by sufficient pain-killing drugs.

Dr. Bishop of the University of Alabama in Huntsville states that future research should involve using growth factors to foster trophic support in neurons. Other further research should involve reducing oxidative stress by preventing the formation of free radicals and toxic metabolic by-products and averting chronic hypertension in diabetic patients.

References

American Diabetes Association. Data retrieved April 9, 2008.

http://www.diabetes.org/about-diabetes.jsp.

Bishop, A. (2008). Professor of Biology, University of Alabama in Huntsville. Interview.

Cocito, D., Paolasso, I., Pazzaglia, C., Tavella, A., Poglio, F., Ciamaritaro, P. (2006).

Pain affects the quality of life of neuropathic patients. Neural Science, 27, 155-160.

Daousi, C., Benbow, J., Woodward, A., MacFarlene, I (2006). The natural history of

chronic painful peripheral neuropathy in a community diabetes population. Diabetic Medicine, 23, 1021-1024.

Head, K (2006). Peripheral Neuropathy: Pathogenic Mechanisms and Alternative

Therapies. Alternative Medicine Review, 11, 294-320.

Janghorbani, M., Kachooei, A., Ghorbani A., Chitsaz, A., Izadi, M, et al (2006).

Peripheral neuropathy in type 2 diabetes mellitus in Isfan, Iran: prevalence and

risk factors. Acta Neurol Scand, 114, 384-391.

Jarmuzewska, E., Ghidoni, A., Mandoni, A (2007). Hipertensión and Sensorimotor

Peripheral Neuropathy in Type 2 Diabetes. European Neurology, 57, 91-95.

Koopman, R., Mainous, G III, Liszka, H., Colwell, J., Slate, E., Carnmolla, M. et al

(2006). Evidence of Nephropathy and Peripheral Neuropathy in US Adults with Undiagnosed Diabetes. Annals of Family Medicine, 4, 427-431.

Madison, R., Robinson, A., Chadaram, S. (2007). The specificity of motor neurone

regeneration (preferential reinnervation). Scandinavian Physiological Society, 189, 201-206.

Marieb, E., Mitchell, S (2007). Human Anatomy and Physiology Laboratory Manual.

Pearson-Benjamin Cummings, Ninth Edition, 257-259.

Spencer, P. and Schaumburg, H (1978). Distal Axonopathy: One Common Type of

Neurotoxic Lesion. Environmental Health Perspectives, 26, 97-105.

Sawant, J., Vhora, U., and Moulick, N. (2007). Association of Poor Glycemic Control

with Increased Lipid Peroxidation and Reduced Antidioxidant Vitamin Status in

Diabetic Neuropathy. Internet Journal of Endocrinology, 3(3), 2-2.

Van Gemert, M., and Killeen, J (1997). Chemically Induced Myelinopathies.

International Journal of Toxicology, 17, 231-275.

4.24.2008

Street Map

I would like to think our paths are straight
Disconnected from choices we make
That there is no reason why it can't be like you said

One day it's gonna happen
I dont know when I'll be on your street
But I know one day it's gonna happen
You're gonna be swept off your feet

I would like someone to make a map
Mark my home and draw some lines that match
All of the reasons why it can be like you said

I dont know when / I dont know why

It's not your fault you didn't see it coming
90 miles an hour
Gone so fast and now you're left with nothing at all.

It's not your fault
I give up every part of you that they could spare
Mixed between the petrol and the one lie
And it's code

It's not your fault
Something
You made up to your bedroom every night
Leaves us chasing memories and trying to understand
We can't wait
But their still eyes
And now that your gone to some place
I can't save you because the brightest lights are closing in on us.

I'm not gone
What the hell just happened here?

Take me over

If I had the chance to start again
Then you would be the one I'd come and find
Like the poster of Berlin on my wall
Maybe there's a chance our walls might fall

It's all about your cries and kisses
Those first steps that I can't calculate
I need some more of you to take me over

I know I because I cant calculate
How to respect you
How to start again

It's all about you

I'm nowhere without you
We don't go breaking down - I feel like nothing ever will
We don't go breaking down - I feel like nothing ever will
We will never go breaking down - I feel like nothing
Just wanna be with you
My baby
Just wanna be with you

I'm counting up the cost of time
And when I waste some time away

And all that I've seen means nothing to me without you

So when I see you next we'll make the most of it,
Tell the sun to start moving again,
The taste of your kiss I still got on my lips,
And ill take you there with me

Trading air once more from the start
I can open up a thousand paper cuts
People hear what they want to hear but they wont change a thing

And all I needed was this one to get me back on my way
It wasn't long before I realised there was no time to waste
There was soul all around me
Everybody let go
It wasnt long before we realised
There was no time to waste

He sees the flames in her tears
Sketching on her skin and he knows
That it's come to an end
And it's no point pretending it's not

And it's a long way down, a long way down from here.

-Athlete

4.22.2008

Everything you need to launch

5’8” / 130lbs

Sing: Alto/Mezzo Soprano.

Dance: Talented but limited training. Highly capable of learning any stage choreography.

Experience: EFFIE in “Maltese Falcon” (RT); BELLE/CAROLER in “Christmas Carol” ’07 (FP); HELENA in “Midsummer Nights’ Dream” (SOTM); BELLE/CAROLER/GHOST of FUTURE in “Christmas Carol” ’06 (FP); BONNIE (ELECTRA WOMAN) in “Captain Fantastic!” (RT); EXTRA in “Like Moles, Like Rats” (Kooroc Films); JO in “A Little Woman Christmas” (Excalibur Drama Club); SISTER/DANCER in “Cinderella” (FP); MAID in “Lady Windermere’s Fan” (TH); Fantasy Players (FP); MERMAID in “Peter Pan” (FP). Performances in multiple productions of ‘Shakespearean Shorts’ 2004-‘08 with roles including Witch II, Bottom the Weaver, Verges, Sexton, and Ursula.

Preferred Roles: Comedic to serious and everything in between. Fond of mature roles and pursuing character development.

Noteworthy: Currently taking voice from Von Lederstenger at International Voice Studio. Participated in many choirs and chorale productions. Can sing Italian, church Latin and character voice. Piano instruction with Lisa Belk from 2002-2007. 2007 Judges’ Choice Best Performance Wings Award (‘Ghost of Christmas Future’). 2005 Nomination for Judges’ Choice Best Youth Performance. Received “Overall Outstanding” in piano performance at the statewide AMTA Music Festival in Montevallo 2004 and 2005.

4.14.2008

Wrong, graceless, sick

I'm not the one that you want, I'll only let you down.
And I'm pretty sure that you've caught on.
And you can say that 'Oh, I'm just feeling sorry for myself.'
I think it's every time I walk into a room
a silence so sudden that I seem to hear it (smiles turn to frowns)
Or maybe it's all eyes on him, in love with ego and intention.
The eyes that are just begging me for more -
This is gone and I can see it.
Your head is full of words, full of words that don't mean anything.

I'm not the one that you want, I'll always let you down.
And I'm pretty sure that you've caught on.
And you can say that 'Oh, I'm just feeling sorry for myself'
(If that's how you feel, then what's there to do?
I'll keep this feeling in my heart
but when you look in my eyes, you will know the truth.)

Spelled out your name and list the reasons.

A million hours left to think of you.

I can't untangle
I can't untangle what I feel and what would matter most
I can't get close and I, I can't get close
And now there's just no point, in reaching out for me
In the dark, I'm just no good at giving relief
In the dark, It won't be easy to find relief
And I'm not proud that nothing will seem easy about me
But I promise this I won't go my whole life telling you "I don't need..."
I'll tell you now, I guess like I should have told you then

Without you is how I disappear.
-Such a paradox, isn't it, isn't it?

I dropped all of my lovers.
I stood up and screamed 'I'm in love!'
You gave it to me through the eyes, hatred.
Centuries deep and true. I was wrong, graceless, and sick.
All of the things that I had learned had been wasted.

There was no living creature as foul as I,
and all of my poems were false.
I could feel my soul, dropping down through the mattress.
I had to leap up before it hit the floor.
and I'm so alone.


Illumination held out in front of my reaching arms.
The darker things get the better I see.
I'm so alone and so are you,
we all live and die that way.
I feel weak.
Thrown in wide open spaces.
We turn ourselves inside out,
expose what we're afraid to see.

You haven't seen how far down I can sink.

Tell me that you know another way to get it done
It's not me or how I would be but it's a different situation
You lay awake in the night
Just staring at the ceiling above
Pulling pieces of it out is such a waste of time
Keep on fighting to remember that nothing is lost in the end
When you burn burn burn your life down
Get me to the door
Out of bed on the track
I'm not sure starting over
It's a different situation

Undeserving of your sympathy
'Cause there ain't no way that I'm sorry for what I did
Through it all, could you cry for me?
'Cause I don't feel bad about it
So shut your eyes, kiss me goodbye
And sleep.

The hardest part is letting go of your dreams.

So nothing will be lost in the end
And you burn burn burn your life down

I break my heart around this
Break my heart around this

-Chiodos, My Chemical Romance, Tegan and Sara

3.24.2008

Living Partial-liver Lobe Transplantation

Abstract: Living-donor versus Non-living-donor in Liver Transplantation

What is the viability of continuing partial-liver lobe transplants (PLLT) from the living donors taking into consideration the scarcity of quality brain-dead liver organs and the ethics behind the living donation process? This procedure could have a significant impact on liver transplantation in the United States because it provides a greater pool of opportunity for end-stage liver failure patients to receive a transplant that could extend their life span and enhance quality of life. Yet, simultaneously, this procedure is marked by many ethical concerns for the donor.

The regenerative properties of the liver were known by the Greeks over 2,500 years ago, but it wasn’t until 1987 that PLLT was first attempted. The first successful PLLT was in 1987 in Australia as an initiative to benefit children and used the left lateral segment containing 20% of the adult liver (Florman, et al 2006). In Japan, approximately 99% of liver donors were living, and as this operation was proved viable it was attempted in adults in the United States during the mid nineties (Jabbour 2004). Yet the racial difference in body size and mass complicated the liver regeneration and functioning, therefore medical teams began using the right lobe about 1997 (Jabbour 2004). As of December 2007, 3522 PLLT have been performed.

The main issue relating to successful transplantation is to ensure the graft given to the recipient is large enough to maintain proper blood flow in order to achieve full functioning and regeneration (Jabbour 2004). The liver is anatomically divided into eight segments, where three different grafts can be formed for liver transplantation (Florman, et al 2006). Donor assessments includes blood and HLA typing, liver biopsy, compatibility of hepatic artery size through anteriograms, and testing liver size through Chromotagraphy (CT) Scan (Abougergi, et al 2006). When liver graft is sufficient and transplant is successful, near-complete regeneration and functioning of the liver returns in 1-2 weeks while the patient remains in the hospital (Florman, 2006).

The main argument in favor of PLLT involves gaining additional transplant resources for end-stage liver failure patients. PLLT grants more opportunities for patients suffering from liver failure to embrace a healthier lifestyle. Split-liver (cadaver) and whole liver (cadaver) transplantable organs are not plentiful enough to supply the liver-organ demand, and partial-liver lobe donors would increase the availability. Recipients have the advantage of receiving a liver transplant as soon as diagnosed with end-stage liver failure, which also prevents the body from experiencing further deterioration. Ischemia time is minimized and the liver received is of better quality coming from a healthy, living donor (Jabbour, 2004).

The main argument against PLLT is the experience of the donor during the donation process and recovery. To compromise the life of a healthy individual to save the life of an end-stage liver failure patient has its ethical concerns. The informed consent from patient may be motivated by obligation and a sense of duty to relative or friend, especially in an emergency situation. The donor is affected by the surgery recovery time, which involves on average one to two weeks of hospitalization and several more weeks for regaining pre-donation health (Florman, et al 2006). There are several potential medical complications for donor, including difficulties regenerating the liver, blood clotting, bile-duct blockage or leakage, and severe scarring of the abdominal wall and skin. Also, the procedure of PLLT is more costly than cadaver liver donation (Abougergi, et al 2006).

The PLLT has a significant and direct impact on the nursing practice. Nurses need to consider the ethnicity and culture of the patients when approaching the topic of assigning a liver donor, considering factors that affect potential donor decision (Abougergi, et al 2006). They must provide emotional support to both recipient and donor during the process and have sensitivity toward donor obligation and recipient guilt. Informed consent of the donor should be obtained only after being thoroughly explained by the nurse. Nurses must understand the psychosocial origins of the disease causing liver failure in the patient (Abougergi, et al 2006). Nurses should remain the patient advocate as well as the donor advocate in maintaining a neutral, unbiased help to both sides.

Further research needs to be conducted to prevent donor complications post-surgery focusing on correct graft sizing to enhance regeneration and functioning (Humar, et al 2004). Research should be conducted concerning the ethics of nonmaleficence towards the donor and recipient, focusing on the psychiatric state of donors in post-operation. UNOS needs to regulate the PLLT testing process for quality control between transplant centers (Brown, et al 2003). Also, improved cadaveric donation to minimize the need for PLLT altogether, including more public education conducted by UNOS.

-Rachel Streams and Kaitlin Rich

3.20.2008

Selections

^Upperclass^
Portishead::Dummy
Radiohead::Hail to the Theif
Radiohead::In Rainbows
Radiohead::OK Computer
Massive Attack::100th Floor
Massive Attack::Mezzanine
Thom Yorke::The Eraser

^Rock Beautiful^
Evanescence::Fallen
Evanescence:: Open Door
Evanescence::Origin
My Chemical Romance::Black Parade
Chiodos::Bones Palace

^onomatopeia^
The Shins::Chutes Too Narrow
The Bravery::The Sun and the Moon
Teagan and Sara::The Con

^the Balladeers^
The Decemberists::Picaresque
Flogging Molly::Swagger
Drop Kick Murphys::The Warriors Code

^Sweet Death^
Imogen Heap::Speak for Yourself
Jem::Finally Woken
Blaqk Audio::CexCells

^When Finally Set Free^
Copeland::Eat, Sleep, Repeat
Copeland::Beneath the Medicine Tree
Copeland::In Motion
Postal Service::Give Up
Death Cab for Cutie::Transantlantism
Death Cab for Cutie::Plans

2.25.2008

Situational Suicide

In our highly progressive modern culture, medical advancements are occurring everyday. Discoveries in the fields of drugs and developments of life-sustaining mechanical systems are revolutionary, creating miracle medical recoveries where a few years previously survival was a slim hope. As miraculous as the medical advancements prove to be, they can also tread heavily on the lines of life. Life-support systems where the patient is sustained by oxygen and nutrition tubes, without hope of recovering independent functioning, is a situation that is new and strange to our society. Never have humans faced the many moral components that a position like this raises. For example, consider a person with normative mental functioning, yet reliant on machinery for breath and food because of permanent paralysis - never before have people existed in this way.

Philosophers, as well as scientists and psychologists, maintain an under-pinning debate of quality of life versus quantity of life. Although nothing is novel concerning the basic ethics in this debate, a situation like the one described can strike up a fierce dispute in modern philosophers. Should value be placed on the quantity of years spent living on this earth, or should quality of life be considered only? And how do you compare two immeasurable concepts? One person’s view of quality of life differs from another, and one person might view quantity to have a value higher than quality itself. Yet despite conflicting opinions, these are merely the roots underneath the looming issue of Physician-Assisted Suicide (PAS).

The definition of PAS is the administration of a lethal dose upon the patient’s request with the intention of ending their life with relative ease. General euthanasia is distinguished from PAS by the fact that the latter must be patient-initiated and administered. PAS, as well as general euthanasia, is in a unique moral situation. Not only is it philosophical, but the issue extends into a myriad of levels –encompassing ethical, political, and medical spheres. It is an issue that radiates into all aspects of social life, because once the legal and therefore accepted view on a decent end-of-life alternative is or is not changed, the entire society will be influenced. Now will the influence be for good or for ill? That is the crux of the matter.

Oregon has legalized Physician-Assisted Suicide since October 27, 1997 upon enacting the Death with Dignity Act. The Act gives patients a way to avoid a prolonged inevitable death through legal suicide. Many stipulations surround the application for and administration of the lethal dose; primarily the patient must be under the care of a physician that has declared the patient terminally ill without hope of recovery. Proponents of the Act support the freedom it grants to Oregon residents. The privilege to choose a relatively painless and rapid death gives terminally ill patients a peace about their end, supporters say. To debilitated patients, the Act functions as a trump card over a fatal illness.

This Act essentially involves the issue of quality versus quantity of life. The Oregon Death with Dignity Act upholds that quality of life is more precious to a person than quantity, and therefore grants the right to terminate the life of a person once their life is unlivable, being void of quality. In establishing the Act, the lawmakers in Oregon defined a person’s life as unlivable because of lacking livable health qualities or being sustained in unlivable circumstances. Pain is paramount in their definition. A patient suffering from unendurable pain or facing a lingering painful death from a disease, such as malignant cancer, have the right to an honorable and painless suicide in the views of Oregon lawmakers.

PAS laws are appearing on more and more state ballots as interest in the issue spreads throughout the nation. The advancements in medicine leave people anxious about end-of-life issues, and what personal control their medical options allow. Patients desire that their decisions are dominant, and that the quality of life versus quantity of life is their decision alone. Current statutes establish that patients have absolute right to know every medical process performed and full rights to deny medications or procedures at anytime. Documents such as living wills and Do Not Resucitate (DNRs) are growing in popularity because they guarantee the patient's wishes are known and followed. Refusing life-sustaining medical equipment or medication can be outlined in these documents, and the patient can also stop the administration of them at anytime.

The US law regarding end-of-life issues already encompasses respect for the patient's decisions and protects their rights to refusing treatment. Because of the provision currently available in the law, Physician-Assisted Suicide acts are unnecessary, and even harmful to society. PAS is morally wrong and should not be legalized because the issue negatively affects numerous ethical, political, socio-economic, and medical areas. Passing PAS acts across the nation could endanger the medical circumstances of the poor, the weak, the aged, and the debilitated as PAS becomes a standard end-of-life option that would target and pressure patients in these situations. Patients outside these situations, namely the wealthy, middle-aged, and those of full mental capacities should consider the impact such laws would have on other situational levels, and detest the possibility of coercion in them. For example, a lower-class elderly retiree with a debilitating disease might not want to become a financial burden to her family for her remaining life-span, and therefore opts for PAS because of convenience.


Undoutedly, issues regarding retarded or quadriplegic individuals will be raised - perhaps the law-makers will decide that they maintain a low quality of life, therefore they can be allowed to request a suicide. How would that demonstrate the value of life? If patients who meet a certain criteria can be aggressively euthanized by the medical profession, what is to stop that criterion from expanding? Where do you draw the lines regarding the appropriateness of suicide? Or do we simply believe that suicide through the administration of a physician becomes acceptable by affiliation?

In consideration of the Natural Law Theory, PAS stands in opposition to its values. Natural Law Theory (NLT) states that life should be preserved and fostered in every individual, regardless of their state of health. Performing suicide for reasons of declining health or impending death would never be supported, espcecially injecting a patient with a lethal dose. Although PAS is morally wrong, and inconsistent with NLT, refusal of medication should always be a patient’s right. Although firm on the subject of suicide, NLT does not ignore the importance of quality of life, and is only adverse to its artificial termination. Modern technology has expanded until life can be preserved beyond that of natural stamina, supported by medical machines and high-dosage prescriptions. The patient may choose to let the disease run its course uninhibited by medicine, knowing it would lead to certain fatality. This is within the full moral compulsions of the patient, and does not endanger the rights of other humans.

I find that the provisions already enacted within the United States regarding patient’s rights and medical procedures allows for decent and comfortable deaths without necessitating Physician-Assisted Suicide laws. End-of-life quality can be facilitated through non-invasive pain-killing medication and establishments such as Hospice care. Legalizing suicide is morally wrong, regardless of medical situation or of support from medical and governmental agencies.

Links: Access to Oregon’s Death with Dignity Act: http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/ph/pas/

Following official document retrieved from Oregon's Death with Dignity Act:


REQUEST FOR MEDICATION

TO END MY LIFE IN A HUMANE

AND DIGNIFIED MANNER

I, ________________, am an adult of sound mind.
I am suffering from _______, which my attending physician has determined is a terminal disease and which has been medically confirmed by a consulting physician. I have been fully informed of my diagnosis, prognosis, the nature of medication to be prescribed and potential associated risks, the expected result, and the feasible alternatives, including comfort care, hospice care and pain control.

I request that my attending physician prescribe medication that will end my life in a humane and dignified manner.

INITIAL ONE:
_____ I have informed my family of my decision and taken their opinions into consideration.
_____ I have decided not to inform my family of my decision.
_____ I have no family to inform of my decision.

I understand that I have the right to rescind this request at any time. I understand the full import of this request and I expect to die when I take the medication to be prescribed. I further understand that although most deaths occur within three hours, my death may take longer and my physician has counseled me about this possibility.
I make this request voluntarily and without reservation, and I accept full moral responsibility for my actions.
Signed: ___________
Dated: ___________


-Kaitlin Rich

2.18.2008

Knife Going In

If I don't recover,
Sell this house and find something lost outside your window.
Not forever.
On the night I die I swear I'll sleep outside your window.

I feel the knife going in,
I'm feeling anxious.
Not enough to kill me, I thought it'd happen fast.
But I'm feeling it now and I feel anxious.
Sleeping inches from me, I let it pass.

Emmy should I stop?
Do you think I'll make it to the morning if it's written?
Stitch it up.
The kind of song I know 'cause mother, sister, you're the worry.

I feel the knife going in,
I'm feeling anxious.
Not enough to kill me, I thought it'd happen fast.
But I'm feeling it now and I feel anxious.
Sleeping inches from me, I let it pass.

-Teagan and Sara

2.13.2008

Pink Bullets

I was just bony hands as cold as a winter pole
You held a warm stone out new flowing blood to hold
Oh what a contrast you were to the brutes in the halls.

My timid young fingers held a decent animal.
Over the ramparts you tossed
The scent of your skin and some foreign flowers
Tied to a brick, sweet as a song
The years have been short but the days were long.

Cool of a temperate breeze from dark skies to wet grass
We fell in a field it seems now a thousand summers passed
When our kite lines first crossed, we tied them into knots
And to finally fly apart we had to cut them off.

Since then it's been a book you read in reverse
So you understand less as the pages turn
Or a movie so crass and awkardly cast
That even I could be the star.
I don't look back much as a rule
And all this way before murder was cool
But your memory is here and I'd like it to stay.

-The Shins

10.29.2007

Marsh King's Daughter

Come on come on, lets take a chance now, we could fall in love!
Come on come on, lets take a chance now, we could fall in love!
Stealing to your window, again. Now I say "We could fall in love"
Sighing in exasperation, "No." you say again "This simply is not love"

And I just know that we could work out
Even though your royalty and I am not
But there's a chance that you are wrong
And I am right this time

Come on come on lets take a chance now, we could fall in love
Come on come on lets take a chance now, we could fall in love
Thrashing through the fen and dew, I thought what I wouldn't do for you
Stealing hearts of Marsh King's daughters, well this is something new

And I just know that we could work out
Even though your royalty and I am not
But there's a chance that you are wrong
And I am right this time and you are out of line

Come on darling run with me, we'll take the bog on foot
We'll be not lost you see, though dark the bog shall be
When we arrive there on our feet you just stay close to me

Come on come on lets take a chance now, we could fall in love
Bring the rain and the bring the mire because we've always been okay
There was this time not too long ago that you listened to me say
Come on come on lets take a chance now, we could fall in love.

-Eisley

10.15.2007

.Nothing Original.

Lately

I haven't written anything good.

Or anything of worth or meaning that I feel comfortable expressing right now.

Funny how we can pretend to be so free with our thoughts and poetic in our musing and yet when it's all stripped of the brave facades we're all very silly people writing on very silly things and I'd rather shut the book on these silly blushing words before they reveal all our silly gnawing flaws.

10.08.2007

Crystal Ball

If only we knew. . .


the next
step


It can't be healthy
just gazing your life away
Yet how do we tear our eyes
from those lurid flashing depths

To execute our own uncharted destiny